Addicted
by twifranatic
Summary: Bella and Emmet are adopted by Carlisle and Esme when their parents die Bella turns to drugs and is on a one way spiral to self destruction what happens when Edward gets adopted does all hell let loose or does she find her way back suck at summarys
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one **

I awoke a bit disorientated to an annoying tapping sound.

"Bella come on its time for school." Esmee called from outside my door. So that's what the tapping was, Esmee was knocking on my door trying to get me up, well to bad for her because i really didn't feel like going to school today. Esmee is a nice lady she just tries too hard. I've been living with Esmee and Carlisle now for three years, after my parents died me and my brother Emmet were put into care, a few weeks later we were adopted by them, they had no idea what they were letting themselves in for. The thing is the death of our parents affected both me and Emmet badly and made us act differently towards life, you see with Emmet, he used to be a really nice person, he was always trying to make people laugh he was my big teddy bear but then after the accident he changed drastically and the teddy bear was no more, it was rare if you saw him smile it was rare if he talked to anyone, he even became a bit of a player and would go to parties get drunk and then sleep with any willing girl, well that was until a couple of months ago when Carlisle and Esmee decided to adopt another person. Rosalie. She is a blonde, blue eyed, beauty, she has got it all the looks and the figure, she looks like a supermodel.

"Bella come on your going to be late."Esmee shouted at me through the door.

"I'm not going in today just tell them i died or something I'm sure they won't miss me." I replied. It wouldn't be far from the truth because the real me died a very long time ago.

"Don't be stupid Bella get out of bed and downstairs in the next half hour." She said exasperated and then walked away.

I stayed in bed there was no way i was going to school today, i just didn't feel like it. I thought about the past , i used to be okay, i would laugh when Emmet told a joke or when mum tried to cook something and nearly ended up burning the house down or when dad forgot a special day like their anniversary, but not anymore even smiles were few and far between, but i guess the biggest change in me wasn't just my personality but me overall, i would go to parties every weekend now without fail, were as i used to stay at home do my homework, read or do something with the family, i used to be a quiet shy girl who didn't have a perfect life or a perfect family but it was perfect to me and then that stupid drunk driver took it away from me and now I party all the time i drink a lot but I'm not an alcoholic, i do drugs but I'm not addicted i can quit whenever i want, i hardly ever see Emmet anymore but that's because he doesn't like the person I've become, he's always trying to get me to stop but i don't want to this is who i have become I'm not going to change for anybody i can't change because the old me is long gone and left in her place is a broken shell of who i used to be.

"Bella, Esmee sent me up here to get you, she says it's been half hour and you need to get downstairs now."Alice said while trying to open my locked door.

"I'm not going in today Alice. " I replied. Alice has lived with Carlisle and Esmee for five years now, in all the time have been here i think i have talked to her about three times i don't know how long she has been in care or any of her story i just know she is an annoying little pixie. Alice looks like a pixie she has short black shoulder length hair that she styles so it sticks out at the bottom, she is short standing at 5ft and has bright blue eyes and a slim figure.

I got out of bed and made my way to my en suite, i turned the shower on and then looked in the mirror and noticed how translucent my skin looked,my dark brown hair looked lifeless and dark blue circles under dark brown eyes and my pupils were small this is what the drugs are doing to my body. You could see my check bones really well but that's from my lack of eating and not the drugs. I stripped without looking at my body and got in the shower because i knew that if i looked at my body i would see lots of bruises and marks and my fat body, i quickly washed my body and hair with my strawberry shampoo and body wash, and I shaved all over and got out. I wrapped a towel around me and then another around my hair, i brushed my teeth and then went to get dressed. I put on my black lacy bra and matching thong, i then put on my black skinny jeans, my favourite black t-shirt that had sunglasses on it i also put on my checked hoodie to hide all the marks on my arms. I then put my make-up on which was simple just eye liner and mascara, i then brushed my hair into my side prating and side fringe and put a blue bow in my hair. I picked up my pink and black bag put on my converse and made my way downstairs. It was still early so when i git downstairs everyone apart from Carlisle was sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast. I got a bottle of water out of the fridge because i didn't feel like eating.

"Bella come and eat something dear." Esmee said whilst looking at me

"No thanks, I'm not hungry ill just stick to my water." I replied

"You've got to eat something Bella there is hardly anything left, look at you you're all skin and bone."Alice said while motioning a hand up and down my body.

"Like i said i don't feel like eating." I said through gritted teeth. They do this every eating period throughout the day, it drives me insane.

"Come on guys we have go to get to school. Bella who's car are you going in?"Jasper asked. He was also adopted by Carlisle and Esmee about two years ago he could always tell when i didn't want to talk about something and would deflect the conversation away from me. Jasper has shaggy dirty blonde hair that's shoulder length hair, dark blue eyes and a slight muscular figure.

"I'm not going to school today Jazz so ill take the bus." I said. I finished my water and threw the bottle away.

"What have you ran out of you're drug supply so you've got to go and get some more?" Rosalie sneered at me. She didn't really like me all that much, but you would think that she would be a bit more understanding considering she is dating Emmet and she has helped him change his ways considering he only has sex with her now.

"Rose come on leave her alone, were going to be late for school and besides she's not worth it." Emmet said. WOW that stung, even my own brother doesn't think I'm worth it, but i wasn't going to show him how it affected me because i know he is just trying to test me to see if even a little bit of the old me is still around.

"Bella, well actually all of you, Carlisle would like to speak with you when you are all home, so don't be late." Esmee said. Everyone said ok grabbed their bags and left to go to school.

"Bella, will you be here?"Esmee asked. I grunted in response, grabbed my bag and left to get the bus.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two **

I got off the bus and walked into town, i needed to get a few things before i went to meet max. I guess you could say that max is my drug dealer but he is much more than that he is my boyfriend we often get drunk and high together, i met him at a party. I walked into peacocks and picked up a few skinny jeans in black dark blue and grey, i also picked up a few short sleeve and long sleeve t-shirts. I then went to boots and got some new eye liner and mascara i also bought some black nail varnish. I pulled out my i-phone and looked at the time to see that it was nearly 10 o'clock, which is my normal meeting time with max. I walked to the little car park which was five minutes away; when i reached the car park i could see max and a few of his friends in the far corner next to their has short brown hair, lights brown eyes with specks of blue in them and a bit of a muscular build he didn't have a six pack but near enough, he was also tall standing at 6"1. Max was the first person to see me approaching and started walking towards me, i sped up my walk and when i reached max i threw my arms around his neck while he put his around my waist, he looked me in the eye and then kissed me with force while asking for entrance to my mouth which of course i granted. In the background i could hear people wolf whistling i guess it was his friends, we broke apart for air but his lips never left my skin, he started kissing my neck instead, i pushed away after a few seconds because things were getting heated and i didn't really want to have sex with him in a car park with his friends around.

"Later." I whispered to him, he gave me a cocky smile, grabbed my hand and pulled towards his friends.

"Guys, this is Bella, Bella the guys." Max said motioning to his friends.

"Hey." I said and nodded my head at them.

"So babe what do you need? You can't be out already because i only gave you a load last week." Max said. I just looked at him pleading with my eyes for him to give me some. "Shit babe, you're going to end up killing yourself." he said not looking too pleased.

"No i wont i can handle it and besides i can pay." I replied. I knew by saying i would pay he wouldn't be able to turn me down.

"Fine B, but not as much because you have hardly got any fat on you and it would be dangerous if i give you the normal amount." I could not believe what he was saying i needed the normal amount otherwise there is no point getting any.

"Fine" i said exasperated, i would just have to go to Sam he would give me the extra.

"Demetri, get her the goods from my car." Max ordered. While Demetri was getting the stuff i cuddled up to max and ran my hand up and down his chest while kissing and biting his neck because i knew it turned him on.

"Here max." Demetri said while handing him the bad of goods.

"So how you going to pay me then?" max asked with raised eye brows in a flirty way.

"How do you want to be paid?"I asked while looking up at him through my eye lashes flirting back with him.

"Stop it you two just give him money B."Felix another of Max's friends said.

"Here" i said reaching into my jeans pocket to give him the money. "Have your money." I gave max the money and gave him a kiss on the lips which he deepened by grabbing the back of my head and i gave him entrance to my mouth, are tongues fought for dominance until we were interrupted by another friend of Max's who i didn't know saying that the cops were coming.

"Here B, but don't use it all at once." Max said handed me the goods then gave me a quick peck on the lips.

"Hey B, are you coming with us?" Demetri asked, while i put the bag of dugs in my bag.

"No sorry, Carlisle wants to talk to me." I replied

"That's too bad B." Max whispered in my ear. "You're going to miss out." He emphasised what he was saying by licking the shell of my ear.

"I can't babe, it seemed important, another time though." I said. I placed another kiss on his lips, but this time he didn't deepen it because we could hear the sirens meaning the cops were getting closer.

"I'll see you soon B." Max said while placing another kiss on my lips, then another.

"Ok you two break it up before we get caught." Felix said

I released myself from Max's arms and turned to walk away while shouting bye over my shoulder.

I walked back through the car park the way i had come but i didn't head back to town, instead i walked down to the local pub where i knew Sam would be. As i got closer to the pub i could see some of Sam's friends sitting outside which meant he was here to, i also recognised one of the people outside to be Jacob black, Sam's best friend and right hand man. I was nearly at the pub when Jacob turned around and noticed me walking towards him.

"Hey Bella."Jacob called. He walked towards me and hugged me. "When you going to ditch that boyfriend of yours and hang out with us?" he asked. You see Sam's friends and Max's friends didn't like each other at all because they stole each other's business as they put it. I don't see how though being everyone in max's group were aged 16-19 max being 19 so only teenagers bought from him and Sam and his friends were aged 20-26 Sam being 26 so he only sold to adults.

"Hey Jake, you know that's not going to happen." I laughed; he always asked me that question even though i was too young to hang out in a pub with them because I'm not even 18 yet.

"I can ask though rite." He replied "so what brings you down to our neck of the woods, that boyfriend of yours holding out on you?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"Where Sam?" i asked totally ignoring his question

"Not going to answer me then?" he asked playfully "Sam's in his usual place in the corner at the back, careful though Emily's with him."

"Thanks Jake." I said hugging him. I then walked into the bar and saw Sam straight away and just as Jake had said Emily was at his side with his arm around her. Emily is Sam's fiancée.

"Hey Bella what brings you down here?" Sam asked while Emily glared at me.

"You know what i want Sam, Max won't give me the full lot so I've come to get the rest from you." I said. Sam knows what i get from Max because I've been getting the same amount of stuff for the past two and a half years and whenever Max doesn't give me the full lot i come and get the rest from Sam because he doesn't care how it affects me he just cares about the money.

"Ok fair enough. Paul hook her up with what she needs with a bit extra I'm feeling generous today." Sam said

Paul went to get my tuff from Sam's car which is normally parked around the back, while he was doing that i took put the money and gave it to Sam who then gave it to Emily who stuck it down her top, very classy. It wasn't long before Paul was back with my stuff and i was on my way. I said goodbye to Jacob on my way out and gave him a hug. I got back to the bus stop just in time to catch the bus back to the house; i found a seat and waited for the half hour bus journey to begin.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

I got back to the house at 12. I walked in and it seemed like nobody was home so i went straight up to my room and locked the door. I knew that everybody would be home soon because Carlisle's shift at the hospital ended at half 12 which means he will be home by 1, Esmee is probably shopping or in the garden so she will be home whenever and Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie finish school t 1 because they are seniors. I took of my converse and sat on my bed i was deciding what to take normally i would have gone for the big stuff like heroin but i knew Carlisle wanted to talk to us and i didn't want to be high as a kite when he was talking. The family knew i did drugs it wasn't a secret but i tried to respect them a little bit by not flaunting it in front of them. So i decided i would just do some blow i poured some of the powder onto the skin between my thumb and fore finger and sniffed up the powder i did this three times before i started to get the numb feeling i then decided to smoke some pot so i opened my tin which had one left in it, i would have to make some more, i crossed the room and opened the window and lit the spliff, i couldn't see Esmee in the garden which means she was out shopping somewhere. After i was finished the spliff i got the craving for just a normal cigarette so i got out my B&H and lit up. I must have lost track of time because it wasn't long after that, that i heard Carlisle calling everyone downstairs. I finished my cigarette and stubbed it in my ash tray; i then spayed myself with body spray to get rid of the smell from the spliff. I put my converse back on and walked out of the room shutting the door behind me. As i got downstairs i noticed i was the last to arrive and everyone was sat in the lounge on the different chairs. Esmee and Carlisle had the love seat; Alice was sat on jaspers lap on the couch being as they were dating and Emmet and Rosalie were in the same position on the couch. I opted for the floor as i dint want to sit in between two couples and there weren't any other seats.

"Now that we are all here we would like to talk to you about something." Carlisle said. Carlisle has blonde hair, blue eyes board frame and is a doctor at the local hospital. "How would you all feel about us adopting another person?" he asked

"I guess we would be ok with it."Alice replied

"Are you sure you want to bring another person around Bella with the chance that she could influence their behaviour?"Rosalie asked

"Rosalie, be nice." Emmet said

"Emmet have you looked at her lately?" Rosalie asked "Carlisle she needs she can't keep living like this." She said

"I don't need help I'm fine, and what do you mean look at me, look at you putting on a few pounds there aren't we Rose?" i asked i knew it was below the belt but what right does she have talking about me like that.

"Really Bella you're fine, for fucks sake your too skinny your practically bone you can weigh more than 80pound, you have dark circles under your eyes and your nose is always red from the constant sniffing and your always fidgeting." Rosalie said

I just ignored her i would never win the argument with everyone in the room. I got up from the floor and started to leave the room there was no point me being there anyway they would make the decision without involving me they always do.

"That's it Bella always running away from your problems instead of facing them."Rosalie shouted at me. I just kept walking without turning back.

"Bella come back we haven't finished what we were talking about."Esmee said

"You don't need me you'll make the decision no matter what i say." I said while still walking. I walked up the stairs back to my room; i went inside and locked the door behind me. I turned my stereo on and put my favourite CD in, Paramore and put it on as background noise. I could feel myself coming back down from my high so i lay on my bed and just stared at my ceiling. I don't know how long i lay on my bed but it must have been a few hours because it was starting to get dark outside so i got up and closed my curtains. I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was half 7 which means Esmee will be calling me down for dinner soon. My stereo was still playing in the background so i turned it off and sat back down on my bed and put my head in my hands. If someone had told me four years ago that my life would end up like it is now, with my parents not being here, Em not talking to me, living here and doing drugs along with everything else i would have laughed in their face. I wouldn't have believed it that's for sure.

"Bella, dinners ready." Esmee said. I don't know why she bothers really because she knows i won't eat all of it, well hardly any of it. I got up from my bed walked out of my room, closed the door behind me and walked downstairs and into the dining room where everyone was sitting already, there was two spaces left at the table which is probably why they wanted to adopt somebody else, to fill the table. Carlisle sat at the head of the table with Rosalie on his left and Alice on his right, Emmet was sat next to Rosalie and Jasper was sat next to Alice, there was a spare seat next to both Emmet and Jasper and then Esmee sits opposite Carlisle when she has bought everybody'd dinner in. I chose the seat next to Jasper because i knew Emmet wouldn't want me sitting next to him.

Esmee bough in everyone's dinner and placed it in front of them, she bough hers and mine in last, she put the plate in front of me, sat down in her chair and looked at me with pleading eyes asking meet to eat what she had cooked which was spaghetti bolognaise.

"I don't know why you bother Esmee she's not going to eat it, i mean look at her it seems as if she hasn't eaten in months."Rosalie said

"That's enough Rose."Carlisle said in a final tone

"No Rosalie is right, there are people around the world that don't have anything to eat and she just sits there wasting it, which is so ungrateful." Alice said in an angry tone without even looking at me.

"Alice don't get involved it's up to Bella what she does with her body."Jasper said trying to defuse the situation

"Jasper, Alice is right it is ungrateful and SHE isn't old enough to decide what happens with her body because she is still a minor she isn't even 18 yet." Emmet said looking anywhere but at me as if i weren't there.

"Wow real nice Emmet can't even say my name you do realise that even though you hate me we still are blood related right?" i asked him sarcastically

"Don't start Bella; you're the one that pushed him away not anybody else." Rosalie said while glaring at me

"Really i pushed him away, is that what he told you, that this is my entire fault. So he didn't tell you that when i needed him the most he wasn't there instead he was out at some party getting drunk and fucking some girl, yeah of course this whole fucked up situation is my fault." I said exasperated

"Language Bella" Carlisle said but nobody took any notice

Emmet stood up quickly knocking his chair over in the process. "Of course this is your fault i didn't force you to take drugs of starve yourself you did all that on your own princess so don't try and pin it on me "he shouted while pointing his finger at me

I stood up as well knocking my chair over in the process "you should have been there for me when i needed you, you were the only family i had left and you turned your back on me, you should have taken responsibility because your older, we should have worked together instead we both took the wrong path and ended up on a downward spiral, at least you got someone to help you and put you back together. Let's all be happy because Emmet's got his life back on track and forget about Bella because she bought this all on herself is that what you all think that i asked for this life because i certainly don't want it." I shouted at him. I was shaking now.

"Look at you your shaking and i bet you don't even know whether it is because you're angry or that you need your next fix." Rosalie sneered at me. She was right though i don't know whether i was shaking because i wanted to hit someone or because i needed more drugs in my system but i wasn't going to tell her that.

"Ok everyone lets calm down and finish eating dinner, we don't need to shout at each other, just talk to one another."Esmee said trying to get us all to calm down

"I'm not hungry." I said and left the room. I walked up the stairs and into my room i locked the door behind me i striped down and put on some shorts and a tank top and curled up in my bed waiting for sleep to take me.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A few weeks had passed since the argument at dinner, Emmet still wasn't talking to me but neither was anyone else apart from Carlisle and Esme. I guess the others can't see my point of view they just blame me for the things that were out of my control.

Today is Friday 29th October 2010 the day that Edward moves in. Edward is the person Carlisle and Esme talked to us about adopting so i guess that they got their way just nobody told me what the result was until yesterday even then it wasn't explained Rosalie just told me sarcastically "The newbie Edward is moving in tomorrow so be on your best behaviour and don't mess up."

So here i am sitting in my room keeping out the way of everyone, cigarette in one hand bottle of vodka in the other. I know i probably shouldn't be getting drunk or whatever but i was thirsty and it was the only available drink around i wasn't going to go downstairs for a drink because , everyone else in the house had gone mad trying to get everything organised so i just decided to keep out of their way. Apparently Edward was arriving at two and it's now half one. I decided it's probably best if I'm not dunk when i meet the new house mate so i put the bottle of vodka back in the bottom of my wardrobe and finished my cigarette, as i finished my smoke i heard the front door close and voices signalling that Edward had arrived. i had the thought that It's probably best if i was a little high when i meet this Edward otherwise ill probably just end up being a bitch to him, so i got my bag of blow out of the draw and sniffed three lines, i wasn't going to hit the heavy stuff because that would just be stupid, i don't want to be totally fucked up when i meet him. I put the blow away, sprayed air freshener around the room getting rid of the cigarette smell. I looked in my floor length mirror to see if what i was wearing was appropriate, i was dressed in grey skinny jeans and a long sleeved black t-shirt with my converse, it looked ok i didn't need to dress in anything to fancy just to meet some lad that was going to be living with us. I left my room closing the door behind me; making my way down stairs i heard voices coming from what seemed to be the kitchen. I headed to the kitchen but stood outside the door ease dropping on the conversation.

"Well it's nice to have you here Edward, I'm sure you will fit in well" Carlisle said, and i heard someone snort but didn't know who.

"Don't patronise him Carlisle you know he will have some problem fitting in with the addict, hell _we _all did." Rosalie said. Well i guess i know where the snort came from now.

"Rosalie, don't start" Esme said in a warning tone.

"Why? Its true and he should know what he's going to be living with." Rosalie tried to justify herself.

"What do you mean addict, whose and addict... What kind of addict?" I heard a voice ask that had never heard before so i assume that it was Edward.

"Her name is Bella. She should be down soon." Jasper said without answering Edward's questions.

"Were not really sure what kind of stuff she is into we just know that she's a drug addict because of the way she acts and because he eyes are always diluted." Alice said. Well that's news to me i thought they knew what i was into and that's why they hated me.

"Has anyone tried to help her? To get her help and off the drugs?" i heard Edward ask again. It confused me, why was he so interested.

"I think she is _way _past help." Emmet said, well thanks for the vote of confidence Emmet.

I had enough of the conversation so i thought it time that i make my presence known. I walked into the kitchen and i could feel all the eyes on me, but i ignored them and walked to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

"Speak of the devil, and she shall appear." Rosalie sneered

"It's nice to know you care so much rose." I said while turning around to face them. Right in front of me sitting at the table was a god himself; he was the most gorgeous creature i had ever seen. He had bronze coloured hair that was sticking up in all directions, strong jaw, red pouty lips and the most alluring come to bed eyes i have ever seen they were a sparkling emerald green colour. As i looked at him i noticed that he was staring straight back at me, which caused me to blush embarrassingly.

"Hi, I'm Edward." He said as he got up and extended his hand for me to shake. I noticed that he had a muscular frame, he wasn't as big as Emmet but he was bigger than jasper.

"Hey, I'm Bella." I said while shaking his hand and looking into his eyes that seemed to glisten in the light. I realised i was staring and looked away and Edward sat back down.

"So what were you talking about before i came in?" i asked while looking around at everyone.

"We were discussing your situation actually." Rosalie said casually. I really have no idea as to why she hates me so much, she doesn't even know me, she only goes by what Emmet's told her and what she knows from others.

"Oh really and what were you discussing about it?" i asked while looking straight at her.

"The fact that you're a drug addict and don't care for anyone but yourself." She said while glaring at me.

"You know that's not true_ Rosie_, i can quit whenever i want." I said even though i wasn't sure if that was the entire truth.

"Don't call me Rosie." She shouted "and ok if you say you can quit then quit, prove to us all that you aren't hooked on the drugs." She said calmly like she already thought she had won, well actually i guess she had because there was no way i would quit i like the high too much the feeling that I'm powerful and can do anything.

"I don't think i will, I'm not going to quit just because you tell me to." I said back to her.

"Bella what is it exactly that you take. I can see it in your eyes that you have taken something today but what was it?" Carlisle asked standing right in front of me. Of course he would see that i had taken something he was a doctor after all.

"Yeah Bella tell us what you actually take so we know how hooked and unable to stop you are." Emmet said while glaring at me. What did i do to upset him? Oh that's right I'm breathing.

I could feel the high wearing off so i knew i would have to leave the room soon and take something else otherwise the pain starts and i start sweating and i get fidgety, i didn't want them seeing that.

"You don't want to know what i take because i think it will surprise you and possibly make you guilty that you should have helped me instead of turning you back." I said while staring straight at Emmet. I could feel myself start to need some more blow it had been about 25 minutes since my last lot and my body was craving it, i knew the sweating and shaking would start soon and i was on edge.

"Carlisle look at her." Alice said in a bit of a worried tone. "She's really twitchy."

"It's alright Alice she just needs her next fix." Rosalie sneered. What is it with that girl and sneering at me?

"Everyone sit at the table." Carlisle said. I was just starting to leave the room to get my 'next fix' as Rosalie would call it when Carlisle said "Even you Bella."

I turned back around and went and sat in my normal dinner seat at the table in between Esme and jasper and Edward took the empty seat across from me.

"We're going to have this conversation now, it's been a long time coming and we should have had it ages ago when Bella first started using." Carlisle said while looking at everyone. "And I'm sorry that we are having it on your first day with us Edward."

"No, don't be its ok." Edward replied

"Bella when did you start taking, because you weren't before we came here?" Emmet asked, it was the first time he talked to me instead of shouting or sneering at me since we got here.

"Two and a half years ago." I replied nonchalantly.

"That's a long time Bella and you say you're not hooked, i don't believe you." Emmet stated.

"Ok don't start arguing with each other." Esme said.

"Bella can you tell us what you take so that we can see if we can help you, because like Emmet said that is a long time to be taking and you might have done serious damage to yourself depending on what you take." Carlisle said looking at me and pleading with his eyes.

"Why do you even care all of a sudden? Not one of you has tried to help in the past or even talked to me about it in the past so why start now?" i asked, it didn't make sense they could be acting like it because Edward has moved in, but that can't be it because they didn't take interest when Rosalie moved in 6 months ago. My hands were shaking now and i could feel myself starting to sweat and i had this really annoying itch on my arm that just wouldn't go away no matter how hard i scratched.

"Bella please stop with the fidgeting. And stop scratching your arm you'll draw blood if you're not careful." Esme said while grabbing hold of my arm to stop me from scratching

"Esme she can't help it, it's the effects the drugs have on her body the shaking, fidgeting and the itchiness won't stop until she takes something." Carlisle said while looking at me sympathetically

"Bella what have you taken so far today?" Alice asked me looking me in the eye. I could feel the sweat on my forehead a wiped it away with the sleeve of my t-shirt. My hands were shaking quite a bit now and i knew it wouldn't stop if i didn't take something.

"Please, can i be excused?" I asked pleadingly, i needed the shaking to stop and i wanted the itchiness to go away and the only way it would was if i took something even if it was blow.

"Bella you are going to sit here until you tell us what you take so we can help you because this has defiantly gone too far now, i didn't know it had gotten this bad." Carlisle said while shaking his head.

I guess the only way that i could get my next fix was to tell them what i take but i probably shouldn't tell them all of it because then i would get a lecture and they probably wouldn't let me leave the table but send me to rehab and there was no way i was going there, over my dead body.

"We want to know everything Bella, don't keep anything from us I know when you're lying." Emmet said. Ok so there went my idea of withholding information.

"Ok. But don't say i didn't warn you." I said and looked at every face in the room. Esmee looked worried, Edward looked interested, Emmet looked concerned but worried at the same time, Rosalie just looked livid like normal when the conversation was about me, Carlisle looked impatient, Alice looked sad and Jasper was doing exactly what i was, looking around the room taking it all in.


	5. Chapter 5

chapter 5

Everyone's attention was on me, waiting to see what i would say next. Could i really tell them the truth, i mean I'm not into a lot of drugs like they expect I am, although the drugs i do take can become highly addictive, so it's probably worse than if i was taking a lot of drugs but i can handle them I'm not addicted i won't let them control me.

The longer i sat here the worse the shaking was, my hands were shaking really bad and the rest of my body was shaking like i was shivering constantly, i know if i don't get out of here soon and take something then the pain will start and then the sickness, and there is no way i can just pass that off as needing my next fix of blow, Carlisle will know I'm lying. The itching on my arm had spread to all over my body i just couldn't stop scratching it was coaxing me to hurry up and take my next fix, but i couldn't with everyone around and i couldn't get rid of them until i told them what i have been taking, so that settles it i will lie just to get out of here quicker.

Just as i was about to speak Alice spoke.

"Carlisle the shaking is worse, and she won't stop itching what does that mean." Alice asked clueless as to what was happening to my body at the moment.

"Alice are you totally naive, it's the drugs she needs another fix otherwise the shaking will get worse." Rosalie said.

Alice was about to answer just as Carlisle said something.

"Not just the shaking Rose, it depends what she is taking, different drugs have different side effects, the more addictive the drug the worse the side effect." Carlisle said while looking at Rosalie. He turned to look at me and asked "so what are you taking Bella to cause these side effects?"

Just as i was about to answer an extreme amount of pain took over my body and i tried to contain it but let out a little whimper, i looked around to see if anyone heard, and by the looks of it they didn't.

"Well i can tell you one drug she obviously takes..." Emmet said looking at Carlisle

"What's that then Emmet?" i asked cutting him off

"Well from the way you are always sniffling and your nose is always read i would say cocaine." He said almost proud.

"Well good guess there Emmet, yes i do take blow." I admitted now hopefully they will leave me alone. I was in serious pain now my muscles were hurting severely, i really needed to go to my room before i started vomiting, i really needed another fix and then it would all go away.

"Can i be excused now, i really need the toilet." I lied; i really need to get to my room, my safe haven.

"That is not the only thing you are taking is it Isabella?"Carlisle asked

Shit i was in trouble now he only called me that when he knew i wasn't telling the truth

"I swear to you Carlisle it is the only think i take." I pleaded with him "May i please be excused before i pee all over the floor." I asked

Carlisle sighed but nodded his head giving me permission to leave the room, i could tell he knew i was lying, and i had a feeling that it wasn't the end of that conversation.

I ran out of the room as quickly as i could which wasn't very quick considering the amount of pain in my muscles. I ran straight up the stairs to my room, just as i was about to walk through the door i heard Carlisle shout up to me. "Bella once you have been to the toilet can you come back down please we need to finish the conversation."

"Sure." I shouted back down.

I went in my room and made sure to lock the door because i can guarantee that they will probably come knocking on my door trying to find out what is taking me so long. I went to my draws and pulled out my goody bag, i went to Sam last week to get a refill because Max was being an ass and wouldn't sell me any saying that i would probably end up killing myself or cause and injury. Sam said he put a little extra something in for me and i think it's time i find out what that was. I took the bag and sat on my bed; i emptied out its content's out on the bed and looked through to see what i had. I had my normal lot but then i noticed i had a little baggy of pills that looked to be amphetamines, i had tried them once before at a party and the high i got was amazing.

I took the drugs that i wanted to take and put them to one side, i put the others back in the bag and stashed them back in the top draw. I went to the bottom draw and took out my supplies bag and took it to my bed. I emptied it out and took what i needed to inject heroin so the shaking and the pain in my muscles would stop but also to stop me from getting sick. The things that i didn't need i put back in the bag and put them back in the bottom draw. I went into my bathroom and got my first aid kit because i need to use alcohol swabs to clean everything. i sat back on my bed and made sure i had everything that i need, it had taken me 5 minutes to get everything ready so Carlisle or Esme will probably come looking for me soon i would have to hurry up. I picked up the tea spoon that i always use and made sure to clean it thoroughly, i then place two pieces of heroin onto the spoon. I went into the bathroom and took the syringe out of its packaging (i had stole it from Carlisle's medical bag that he keeps in his study a few weeks ago) and used it to suck up 50units of water to squirt onto the spoon, i went back in my room and sat on my bed and heated the underneath of the spoon with my cigarette lighter to dissolve the solution on the spoon. I used the plunger from the syringe to stir the solution on the spoon and the cleaned the plunger before putting it back in the syringe. i then cleaned my fingers with a alcohol swab and took a piece of cotton out of my first aid kit and rolled it so it was only a little bigger than a tic-tac, and placed it in the heroin solution and it soaked it up like a sponge, i then put the tip of the kneeled into the centre of the cotton and pulled up the plunger to suck up the solution. I took of my shoes and sock and tried to find the vein in my right foot because i used my left this morning, both of my feet look horrible with all the marks and bruises. I cleaned my right foot with an alcohol swap and just as i was about to inject someone knocked on my door.

"Bella are you finished in there we need to finish the conversation." Esmee asked me through the door.

"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute." I replied nervously

"Ok well hurry up you have been a long time." She replied and i heard her footsteps as she walked away.

My hands were shaking badly now and i know i need to inject fast, i brought the needle back to my skin and prepared myself, you would think that all the years i have been doing this that i would have got used to the pain of injecting into my foot but no it hurts like a bitch. I push the needle into my skin and injected the solution into my vein. The first time i injected i missed my vein and it felt like it was burning and i got a heroin blister which take hours to be absorbed into the blood stream, but I've been doing it for years now I'm practically a pro. When it was all in my system i pulled the needle out and threw it away, because I've got a doctor living in the same house it's easy to get new needles so i don't have to use the same one.

I could feel the drug start to take effect, because the shaking stopped, the muscle pain was going and the annoying itching stopped. I decided that just to be on the safe side i swallowed one amphetamine tablet. I put my shoes and socks back on, unlocked the door and made my way back downstairs. I walked into the kitchen to see everyone still sitting at the table waiting for me in silence. I walked into the room and sat back down in my set, as i sat down i looked around and noticed that everyone was staring at me again.

"Well i guess we all know why she took so long." Rosalie sneered, at first i didn't know what she was talking about and then i realised they would notice that the sweating, shaking and itching had stopped.

"Yeah sorry i took so long in the bathroom, when you got to go you've got to go if you understand what I'm saying." I replied. Trying to get them to think i was gone so long for other reasons, but obviously it wasn't working because they were all still staring at me some with disappointed looks and others looked angry especially Emmet he looked like steam would be coming out of his ears if it were possible, but the one that surprised me the most was Edward he had sad look on his face that made it look like he was sorry for me.

"Bella we know that you have just gone and taken something, now what was it because not just cocaine on its own can cause the type of side effects you were experiencing." Carlisle said while looking straight in my eye trying to see if i would back down or cave, but that wasn't going to happen.

"A friend i used to hang out with in Chicago was into hard drugs and suffered with withdraw when he needed his next fix and a lot of the side effects you had earlier Bella are what he used to go throw and it was a lot more than just blow." Edward said while looking at me i just turned my head and faced the other direction. Things weren't looking very good for me right now if he knew someone that was into the same drugs as me because then he knew what i was taking and could tell Carlisle who could send me to rehab and i was not going there.

"What was your friend in Chicago into Edward?" Esme asked curiously

"Haven't you ever heard the saying Esme that curiosity killed the cat." I spat at her, i dint mean to be so rude and un-respectful but she was digging in my business and i didn't want her to. Everyone at the table gasped at what i had said and a few were glaring at me. I turned to apologise to Esme and noticed that she had tears in her eyes, i was about to say sorry when she got up from her chair and left the room. I felt really bad for upsetting her i didn't mean to lash out.

"Look what you did, Bella you upset one of the only people that care about you."Rosalie sneered at me as her and Alice left the room to go and comfort Esmee i assume.

"Bella, that was unnecessary and you should apologise when you are excused from the table. Now Edward finish what you were saying about this friend of yours." Carlisle said

"Well he didn't use a lot drugs he was just into the harder ones that gave you a straight high. Some of the side effects that he suffered from where sweating, itching, shacking, muscle pain and vomiting." Edward said

"What hard drugs, as you call them was your friend into Edward."Jasper asked him while looking at me. I just laid my head on the table because i was suddenly tired and i could feel a headache coming on.

"Well he started off on just blow, but after a while it never had the same effect on him or so he said, so he started experimenting and seeing what else he could try, it wasn't long before he started on speed which is amphetamines, but then he started doing heroin, ecstasy and ketamine." Edward replied

"What happened to your friend Edward?"Emmet asked looking at me with a worried expression.

"He overdosed. The drugs killed him in the end, he kept saying i control the drugs the drugs don't control me but he was so wrong." Edward said looking sad

"Well your friend was stupid I do control the drugs that I take not the other way around and I don't take half of what he took." I stated while looking down at the table and picking at a small piece of fluff.

"Bella did you not hear what Edward just said? His friend killed himself, do u not care about that, do we, your family not matter that much to you that you would risk your life on a daily basis." Emmet asked shocked.

"Of course I care Emmet, but I know what I'm doing, I'm the one in control." I stated. Why couldn't they understand that, I don't have a problem!

"Bella if you don't take half of what Edward's friend did, what do you take?" Carlisle asked. "Because it's obvious that you take more than cocaine I'm just not sure what." 

"I don't even have some of those side effects." I said in a matter of fact tone.

"What do you think she takes Edward?" Jasper asked

"From what I saw earlier I would say that she is on blow, heroin, amphetamines and possibly some others." He replied

"No you're wrong because you said that he was in pain when he went through withdraw with those drugs and I don't get pain." I lied "and anyway the only other drug I take is marijuana." I stated just as Esme, Rosalie and Alice came back into the room.

"What are we discussing?" Esme asked

"Just that Bella is a liar because I heard he whimper in pain earlier before she got her fix." Edward stated

"That was a groan because of the direction the conversation had gone in." I said

"Bella just stop lying and tell us the truth." Emmet said in a desperate tone. I turned to look at him and what I saw shocked me, it looked like he was going to burst into tears.

"Bella, can you see what you are doing to this family? What you are doing to your brother." Rosalie asked and for once she wasn't sneering at me she actually looked kind of sad.

"Bella you have to understand that we just want to help you, we hate seeing you like this, and yes we should of helped earlier before it had gotten so bad but we had no idea and we still have no idea of you are taking." Carlisle said

"Fine you want to know I'll tell you, but before I do, know this I don't want your help I am fine and there is no way I am going to rehab." I said while looking around the room at all of their faces

"Ok Bella you have my word, I will not send you to rehab, I will find a way to help you myself, even if you say you don't need it." Carlisle said with his hands on the table so I knew he wasn't lying.

"Ok well Edward was sort of right." I said looking at the table still. "I started out on marijuana but wanted to try something else as well so I started using blow, then I got bored of that and a friend told me about heroin so I started using." I stopped to take a breath and looked up to see everyone with shocked expressions on their faces, I guess they didn't think I was taking that much.

"Bella that is a lot you could kill yourself with that amount." Carlisle said while I looked at him shyly "There is more isn't there Bella?" He asked me and I nodded my head before telling the rest.

"I went to a party with friends and they were injecting I asked what it was and I had never tried it before, so I tried it and then started using it. I only use ecstasy at parties and I've only just started using speed." I said it all without looking at anyone because I didn't want to see the disappointment or anger on their faces.

"What was it that your friends where injecting at the party Bella?" Jasper asked

"Meth." I said quietly without looking up from the table

"Bella, I don't think I heard you properly, I could have sworn you said meth." Carlisle said shocked. I just looked up at him confirming with my eyes that he had heard right. "Oh Bella how did you get into this mess." He asked in a disappointed tone. I looked around the room and saw that everyone had a disappointed or sad expression on their face. It was their fault that I was this way if they had just talked to me and helped me I wouldn't be the way I am.

I got up from my chair and made my way to my room without looking back. Nobody said anything as I left the room; they were all stunned to silence. I went in my room, locked the door behind me and curled up on my bed where I would stay until morning.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

I shot straight up in bed in a cold sweat, tears streaming down my face and breathing heavily due to the nightmare that haunts my sleep, it is always the same, not even the slightest change, and it always begins in the same place and ends in the same place. It's the night my parents died. There was no way i could get back to sleep after that, and looking around my room in the darkness i could tell it was still late so i got out of bed and walked to my window, i pulled back the curtain and looked up at the moon. It looked closer tonight and brighter somehow it made me smile. I was looking at the moon for about five minutes before i heard a tapping at my door. I knew who it was because this has happened a lot in the past month since he has been here; he would always knock, asking to come in and see if i was alright, i never let him in and he would go away after ten minutes or so, but tonight i felt different, like i needed someone to hold me, to comfort me, so i unlocked the door and let him in. He just stood there at first shocked that i had actually opened the door but after a couple of seconds it wore off and he walked in. He stood inside my room looking around, taking it all in after all this was the first time he had been in here, and well actually it is the first time anyone has been in here.

Two minutes had past when he turned around and looked at me. I heard him breath in a gasp of air shocked at what he was seeing, i knew i looked a mess because i could feel my hair was in tangles from moving around in bed from the nightmare, and i could feel the dried tear tracks down my face, and my bangs were stuck to my head from sweat. He walked towards me at a slow pace and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't hug him back because it shocked me, no one has hugged me in a comforting way since my parents died but it also scared me i felt comforted being in his arms and safe. He nuzzled his head in my neck and whispered in my ear.

"I heard you screaming, it sounded like you were in pain, i came to see if you are alright, then i walk in the room and see you like this, you looked so lost, scared and hurt." He whispered. He pulled back and looked me in the eye "Let me help you Bella, let me be there for you, i can help you."

"I don't need help." I replied in a broken whisper but even to my ears it sounded like a lie.

"You do, you just don't want to sow it, you're ashamed to show weakness, but it's not weak, Bella letting someone help you, it's not weak to let someone in." He said while looking me in the eye. He pulled me towards the bed and sat down with me. "Please let me help you, i can see the pain and hurt in your eyes. In the month that i have been here you haven't smiled once, you don't laugh you hardly eat and you sit up here in your room all day. It's not healthy Bella." He said taking my hand in his. I forgot that i was only wearing a tank top and that he was able to see my arms which meant he could see the marks and bruising. "This has got to stop as well Bella you could end up killing yourself and that won't help anybody. They all care for you, you know even though they don't show it, and they are all worried, even Rosalie." He looked at me for a few seconds before looking at the watch on his wrist. "Come on its late let's get you into bed." He said pulling me up from the bed by my hand, he pulled the quilt cover down and i got in the bed, he pulled the cover over me kissed me on the forehead and said goodnight.

"Stay." I whispered to him just as he was reaching for the lock.

He turned back to look at me and smiled a little before coming over and getting into the bed, i turned over to face him and he pulled me into his chest. I snuggled closer to him enjoying the comfort and warmth he was supplying, he kissed my forehead and whispered goodnight.

"Goodnight Edward." I whispered back before sleep over took me.

The next morning i woke up feeling rested for the first time in years. A small smile graced my lips as i looked up and saw that Edward had stayed and was still sleeping with his arm wrapped around my waist. I took the opportunity to watch him sleep. He looked so at piece while sleeping, it would be a crime to wake him.

"Do you like staring at people while they sleep?" he asked making me jump.

"Sorry i didn't realise you were awake." I replied. He opened his eyes and pulled me closer to him and kissed my forehead again. He obviously liked doing that because he did it a lot since last night; well i guess you could say early hours of this morning.

"So what did you want to do today?" he asked

"Well i have got to go to town to get some...things." I said. I needed to go to town to get some more drugs from max but i wasn't about to tell Edward that.

"Ok, well is it alright if i join you?" he asked.

I don't see why he couldn't come with he because i need to get some more clothes anyway and then i could just tell him i was going to go and see my boyfriend which wouldn't be lying either.

"Fine, you can come with me." i agreed

"Great, we can go in my car, save money for the bus and it will get us there quicker." He said. It was probably better to go in his car so i agreed. "Ok well ill go and let Esme know where we are going and then i will get a shower, get ready and meet you back here in an hour." He said while kissing my forehead again.

"Okay. See you in an hour." I replied while getting out of bed and towards the bathroom to do my morning ritual. I turned on the shower and while i waited for the water to warm up i brushed my teeth. I stripped down and got in the shower, letting the warm water rush over my body helping to release the tension in my shoulders. I washed my hair with my strawberry shampoo and rinsed it out, i then applied my strawberry conditioner and left it in for a few minutes while i washed my body with my freesia body wash. I rinsed out my hair turned off the shower and got out. I wrapped a towel around me and then another around my hair. I walked into my room and noticed that Edward had left and that i had 45 minutes left before he would be back. I quickly dried myself and got dressed in red skinny jeans with my black studded belt, my black My Chemical Romance t-shirt and my checked hoodie with my black and white converse. I went into the bathroom and blow dried my hair. I walked back into my room, looked at my alarm clock and noticed that i had 20 minutes before Edward would be back so i decided that i had enough time to jack up. I got everything out of the draws, it was a good thing that i was going to see Max today because i was nearly out, i sat on the floor fist i did two lines of coke, i then got everything ready to inject myself with meth, i took off my hoddie, wrapped the belt around my arm tight so i could find a vein, as i pushed the needle into my skin i heard a gasp, i stopped what i was doing, looked up and noticed that Emmet, Alice and Edward were standing in my door way. Edward must have forgot to lock the door on his way out or they were coming in the room with him, but i don't think the expected to see me on the floor injecting myself, no i think that was a big surprise considering Emmet's eyes looked like they were going to bug out of his head. I ignored them and concentrated on what i was doing i pushed the needle in further and pushed down on the plunger pushing the solution into my vein. When i was finished i took the needle out of my arm and put it in the bin i then released my arm from the belt and noticed that it had left a red grove in my arm. I looked up and noticed Emmet had gone but Alice and Edward were still standing there so i couldn't put my equipment away because then they would know where it was and would probably throw it away. I stayed sat on the floor just staring at them seeing if they would leave.

"Why, Bella? Why do you do this to yourself, look at the state of your arms." Alice said looking defeated. I just turned my head away from her, she wouldn't understand. I heard hushed voices and looked up to see Edward trying to get Alice to leave the room.

"Alice just leave, you'll only make it worse." He said while nudging her lightly towards the door. When Alice was out the door he locked it and walked towards me, he pulled me up from the ground and just held me in his arms. He let go of me and studied my face.

"Do you still want to go into town?" He asked i just nodded, picked up my hoddie and put it on.

"Come on then, let's go." He said grabbing my hand. My hand felt nice in his like it belonged there. Before walking out the door i grabbed my pink and black bag off the back of it, the bag contained my purse with the money i would need. we walked out of my room locking it behind us, we walked down the stairs and walked towards the garage door which was in the kitchen, there was nobody in the kitchen when we walked through which meant everyone was off doing their own thing. We walked through the door and he pulled me towards his car which is a silver Volvo, it's a woman's car if you ask me but whatever he obviously liked it. Edward held the passenger door open for me and waited for me to get in and shut it behind me. He walked around and got in the driver's side. He put his seat belt on, put the key in the ignition and we were on our way into town.

I made Edward Park in the little car park where I knew Max would be later so I could get my goodies. I got him to park at the opposite end so that Max wouldn't get mad at me for being out with another guy. We walked around town for a bit going to all my normal shops boots, peacocks, new look, HMV and waterstones so i could get a new book. By the time we got back to the car it was nearly one in the afternoon. I put the things i bought in the boot of the car and looked around the car park trying to locate Max, i really wanted to take something right now, my high had warn of a while ago and I was shaking now and I was starting to get muscle pain it wouldn't be long before i started vomiting which wouldn't be a nice sight, I found him sitting on the bonnet of his car in the far corner opposite were i was. I started to walk towards him but Edward caught my arm pulling me back.

"Where are you going Bella?" he asked

"I am going to see my friends" I said pointing to Max and the guys in the corner.

"Ok well I'll come with you" He said and started to walk towards them. That was a bad idea Max would hate it if i were to bring someone with me especially if they weren't into drugs and if they were a lad. So Edward walking towards them was a very bad idea.

I grabbed his arm and pulled it so he would stop. I walked in front of him and faced him so he would know i was serious.

"Edward you can't go over there, just stay here and I'll be back in a minute." I said to him. I turned around and noticed that Max was looking at us, and he didn't look to happy. I walked towards him at a normal pace, as i got nearer Max got off the car and came to meet me. He grabbed to tops of my arms tightly.

"Who is that guy?" he asked seethed at me. "Is he the reason you haven't been around lately?" he said shaking me

"We live in the same house, he's nobody." I said and tried to get my point across by giving him a peck on the cheek. He tightened his hold on my arms, and it hurt, he pulled me back and looked in my eyes.

"Are you sure about that, because you looked pretty cosy from where i was sitting." He replied

"What's going on?" i turned my head and saw Edward was standing right next to us with an angry look on his face but his eyes held pure jealousy, i don't know why he was jealous Edward couldn't possibly feel anything for me, at least i didn't think he could. "Let go of her" Edward said in a menacing tone he actually sounded quite scary

"I don't know who the hell you think you are but i can do whatever i want to my girlfriend." Max replied in the same tone. Edward looked shocked, probably because i had never told him i had a boyfriend and nobody at the house knew about Max either. I pulled Max's hands from my arms and put a hand on his cheek trying to calm him down.

"Max, there is no need to be jealous or angry, you know i would never cheat on you, but you also know why I'm here." I said and pecked him on the lips; max took advantage of the situation and wrapped his hand in my hair to pull me closer so he could deepen the kiss. We made out for a couple of seconds before i pulled away. I was getting desperate now i wanted the drugs and i wanted them quick.

"You know what i want Max." i said while looking him in the eye.

"Demetri get her bag." He said and pecked my lips while running a hand through my hair.

Demetri came over to use with a carrier bag of what i wanted. Ever since Sam gave me that "something extra" i have wanted it again but i have never had the guts to ask Max for it because he thinks i do too much as it is, but Sam was out of town at the moment so i guess i would have to ask.

"Hey, babe do you think you could give me something extra?" i asked looking up at him through my eye lashes.

"What you don't want the normal or do you want something else as well as?" he asked suspiciously

"As well." i replied looking shyly up at him

"You already have a lot what else could you possibly want B?" he asked astonished that i was asking for more.

"I want amphetamines." I replied while looking at the ground.

"B you know how I fell about your addiction, why would i give you more?" he asked me

"I'm not addicted, i can stop i just don't want to, we've talked about this." I said stroking his cheek, hoping he would crack and give me what i want.

"Bella i don't think that is a good idea, you already do too many different kinds you could easily overdose." Edward said. I had actually forgotten that he was still standing there.

"He's right B, you do, do too much i don't want you to hurt yourself." Max said while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Please, I'll give you something back." I tried to bargain with him but if he still said no, i wasn't afraid to get down on my knees and beg.

"What are you going to give me back B" He asked

"You can't be serious; you're actually going to give into her just like that?" Edward asked shocked that i seemed to be getting my way.

"Shut up Edward." I told him shaking my head at him; i would not let him ruin it for me. "Ill give you back the marijuana" I said looking at Max

"Ok but, B only this time." He said and nodded towards Demetri giving him the signal to get it for me. Max kissed me again but before it could turn into a major make out session Demetri coughed getting our attention. Demetri handed me the little baggy of pills and i put it in the carrier bag with the rest, i would put it in my bag when we got to the car.

"Thanks babe." I said and gave Max a peck on the lips "how much do i owe you?" I asked while getting the money out of my pocket

"The same as normal babe i won't change you extra." He said i gave him the money and the marijuana, i turned to leave but he pulled me back in for another kiss before releasing me. I turned back to Edward and saw he looked angry, i just walked past him and headed to the car. It didn't take long for Edward to get the car he opened it and got in. I got my bag out of the boot and got in the passenger side, Edward started the car and we were on our way home. I got out the little baggy of pills and took one, hoping it would stop my shakes the pain wouldn't stop until we got home when i would inject heroin.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

The pain was near enough un-bearable on the way home and i had nothing to distract me from it as Edward was ignoring me. The shaking had stopped but i desperately wanted to inject something to stop the pain. As soon as Edward pulled into the garage i got out of the car got my things out of the boot and headed to my room. I walked into the kitchen and walked straight into Carlisle he grabbed the tops of my arms to hold me in place.

"Hey, what's the rush?" he asked, i looked to the floor and tried to get out of his grasp, but he wouldn't let go of me.

"She needs to take something, don't you Bella?" Edward sneered; i didn't even hear him come in the room.

"What do you mean Edward, she isn't shaking or sweating?" Carlisle asked confused.

"That would be because on the way home she took an amphetamine pill, but it didn't stop the muscle pain did it Bella, because you need to take something stronger like heroin or meth." Edward said angrily, i have no idea what i did to piss him off so badly.

"Bella is that true?" Carlisle asked holding me at arm's length and looking me in the eye.

"Yeah it is Carlisle, me and Alice saw the marks on her arms this morning, she probably needs another fix." Emmet sneered; i looked behind Carlisle and noticed that everyone was now in the room all looking at me. I looked to the floor i didn't want to see the looks on their faces. I needed to get out of here this was agony i couldn't move and the muscle pain was getting worse.

"Please, let me go." I begged through clenched teeth afraid to open my mouth in case i scream out in pain.

"Bella, why do you want to get out of here so bad? Why can't you just talk to us for a minute?" Alice asked sounding annoyed. But before i could answer i could feel bile rising up my throat, i was struggling with Carlisle's arms and he eventually let me go in time for me to run to the sink and empty the contents of my stomach down the drain. Someone stood behind me holding my hair and running soothing circles into my back. I finished throwing up after about five minutes and someone handed me a glass of water to rinse my mouth out with. I really needed to inject something now, the shaking was back and the pain was getting worse as the seconds went by, and now the sickness was taking effect, i hated being sick and always injected before it got that far but because Carlisle was holding me i wasn't able to. I turned away from the sink and noticed that the only person standing next to me was Esmee, everyone else were sitting at the table, so i made my escape and ran out of the room and straight into mine. It's a good job that i already have some needles with heroin made up ready to inject in time of need, and i would say that this was one of those times. I put my bags on the bed and ran straight to my draws forgetting to close the door because the only thing on my mind at the moment was getting the needle and injecting it. I located my silver tin in the bottom of my underwear draw, i opened the tin and notice i had two needles left. I put the tin on my bed and took of my hoddie. I then got my belt out of my draw and wrapped it tightly around my arm, i probably only had about a minute and a half before someone walked in the room so i had to do it quick. I found my vein and stuck the needle in, as i pushed down on the plunger releasing the solution into my arm everyone piled into my room, everyone but Carlisle stayed by the door, Carlisle walked slowly towards me. I looked at the empty needle in my arm and pulled it out; i threw it in the bin and unwrapped the belt. I put the belt back in the draw, picked the tin up off my bed and put it back in my underwear draw. My hands were still shaking and the pain was still bad because the heroin hadn't taken effect yet. I opened my top draw and took out my bag of coke, keeping my back to everyone i mad two line's of the powder on the top of my hand and snorted them. I put the bag back in the draw and turned around to face everyone. Most of their faces showed sorrow or sadness but Carlisle, Edward and Emmet looked mad. I took my bag off the bed and put the carrier bag from Max in my top draw.

"Bella, can't you see how the drugs are controlling you?" Edward asked. I turned around and saw that he had moved closer.

"Edward they don't control me, what you saw downstairs never happens because i don't let it get that far, that is me still being in control, i say when i want to take something not the drugs." I replied

"That's just backwards Bella, you're not in control, why can't you see that, what is it going to take for you to see how wrong you are? Do you have to be lying in a hospital bed or dead from an overdose?" Edward asked

"That won't happen, I'm careful, i know what I'm doing." I replied. I could feel the heroin start to take effect, the pain was subsiding as well as the sickness, but tiredness was taking over, i felt exhausted.

"We're not going to be able to get any sense out of her once the drugs take effect." Carlisle said while looking around the room at everyone. "We will talk to you later about this Bell." He said looking at me. I nodded and watched them all turn to leave apart from Edward. I laid down on my bed and motioned Edward to sit down next to me. I don't know how long we sat in silence for but i decided to break it. Just as i was about to say something Edward spoke.

"Why do you do it Bella? What happened to make you turn to drugs?" He asked while looking at the ceiling.

"Has anyone ever told you the story of how my parents die?" i asked while picking at a loose thread on my quilt cover.

"No all i know is that they died in a car accident." He replied

"It was the 28th June, my dad had just been given the position of the chief of police in forks, he was so excited and wanted to go out and celebrate. We decided to go to the local diner for dinner, Emmet was staying at a friend's house in Seattle and wasn't able to go with us. We had a fun evening just being together, making jokes, telling stories and just being a family. It had started raining while we were eating and the roads where wet. An oncoming driver was driving too fast on the wet road surface and slammed on his brakes to avoid a deer he swerved and turned the steering wheel to hard and ended up crashing with my parent's car head on. My dad was killed on impact my mum had shattered glass all over her i didn't even see the piece of metal sticking into her through her abdomen. She turned and looked at me, she said she loved me and to tell Emmet that she loved him to. When i saw her eyes close i couldn't stop screaming for her to wake up, to just open her eyes and tell me everything was going to be ok but she didn't." I had tears streaming down my face now "i woke up in the hospital a few hours later with a broken leg and whiplash. I was told that someone had rung Emmet and that he was on his way. I couldn't even look at him when he arrived i just felt so guilty that i had survived with minor injuries and both my parents had died." I wiped the tears off my cheeks and continued. "I didn't talk to anyone for weeks i hardly ate or slept. Emmet was just as bad. It was about three months after and i was ready to talk to someone about the accident, i wanted to talk to Emmet but he wasn't around he was always at some party or out with his friends, i had nobody, my friends weren't talking to me because i hadn't been talking to them or answering their calls. I decided i needed to do something and get out of the house so i followed Emmet out to one of his parties and met Max, he introduced me to his friends, they all seems so calm and happy i wanted that i wanted to feel like that again so Max introduced me to the drugs and it's just progressed from there." I said and looked at Edward; he was still concentrating on the ceiling.

"I understand why you started, I understand how you felt but why do you continue doing the drugs, it's been two and a half years Bella why continue doing it?" He asked

"Because it still hurts, and i don't want to feel that way anymore. I didn't just lose my parents that day i lost Emmet and a part of myself that i will never get back." I replied in weak voice

"Emmet is still here Bella, he isn't gone he's right down the hall." He said as if it was that obvious.

"Emmet hasn't talked to me since the accident, i mean yes he says the odd comment to me about how I'm screwing up my life or something but we haven't had a proper conversation since it happened. Were like two ships passing in the night." I replied and then yawned really loud. "Look, Edward I'm really tired can we talk about this another time?" i asked

"Just one more question?" He asked and i nodded my head for him to continue. "Why didn't you talk to either Carlisle or Esme when you got here, I'm sure they would have listened to what you had to say, and they would of helped you however they could." he said

"I didn't even know them Edward I had never met them before i wasn't about to open up to them and tell them my sob story, i didn't want them feeling sorry for me i just needed someone to talk to that would listen, I wanted to talk to Emmet he was the only family i had left, i thought that we could of worked together and help each other but he ignored me and then Rosalie comes along and he tells her everything, why couldn't he have talked to me like he does her, what did i do so wrong, he pushed me away and it caused us both to hurt more than what we already were." I replied and yawned again i was coming down from my high now and it was leaving me emotionally and physically exhausted.

"I understand Bella, and I'm always her for you to talk to if you want and ill just listen, and I'm sorry for earlier i don't even know why i was mad." He said and laid down next to me on the bed.

"It's ok Edward, you're forgiven. Now enough of the heavy conversation let's just sleep for a little while and we will talk about it later." I said and snuggled up into his side with a smile on my face.

"Ok we'll talk about it another time." He said, he kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arms around me. It didn't take me long before i was asleep dreaming of a green eyed bronze haired boy.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I awoke a few hours later to a tapping sound; i sat up on the bed and noticed that Edward still had his arms wrapped around me. I looked towards the door where the tapping was coming from and noticed Alice standing there.

"Esme sent me up here to get the two of you because dinner's ready." She said giving me a small smile before tuning and leaving. I had forgotten that i hadn't locked the door.

I moved out of Edwards grasp and tried shaking him to wake him up; it took a couple of tries before his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey sleepy head, Esme wants us downstairs for dinner." I told him, and smiled when he just rolled over with a groan. "Come on Edward you can go back to sleep later when you go to bed. I looked at my alarm clock to see what the time was and noticed that we had been asleep for three hours.

"Fine I'm up." He groaned, sleep still laced in his voice. He got up from the bed and made his way to the door before turning around to see if i was following. "You coming?" he asked

"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute, just need to go to the toilet." I replied, hoping he couldn't see through the lie. Although he could probably see my body shaking and how fidgety i was.

"Bella don't lie to me, if you need a fix and you're staying behind to do so just say It." he said aggravated

"I don't need a fix Edward." I replied nonchalantly

"Well ill wait for you to finish in the bathroom then." He said, and from the look on his face i knew he knew i was lying.

"I'm going to take something because i want to, ok? I want to stop the shaking but also before the pain and vomiting starts." I said looking at the floor

"When are you going to see that it's the drugs making you want to take them and not your own conscious decision?" he asked exasperated like he was fed up repeating the same thing over and over, and quite frankly i was sick of hearing it.

"Edward don't start that again ok? Just go downstairs and I'll be down in a minute." I said while turning and walking to my draws.

"Ok fine, but don't take anything heavy because we still need to talk about things later and I'm sure Carlisle wants to talk to you as well." He replied and walked out the door shutting it behind him.

"I listened to what Edward said and only did two lines of blow and one amphetamine tablet, before going to join the rest of the family in the dining room. Everyone was in their normal seats around the dining table leaving my empty seat in between Jasper and Esme and across from Edward. From the looks of it we were having lasagne for dinner with bread sticks and salad.

"Well now that we're all here, let's eat." Carlisle said looking around the table at everyone. I hadn't noticed before that nobody was eating when i walked in; they were all waiting for me, which made me feel elated that they had waited but at the same time guilty for making them wait. I gave Carlisle a small smile and dug in. It was actually really nice, Esme was an amazing cook and for once i ate the plate full. When i had finished i looked up and noticed everyone was staring at me, it was like i had suddenly grown a second head.

"What have i got something on my face?" i asked trying to lighten the mood. Esme grabbed my hand and squeezed, i looked at her and she was smiling at me which i found strange because i had only eaten a plate of food it wasn't something to be proud of.

Carlisle cleared his throat at the end of the table and everyone turned their focus to him. "Bella i would really appreciate it if we could finish our discussion from earlier." He asked looking straight at me, i looked away but nodded for him to continue. "I guess we all really want to know what made you take the drugs in the first place?" he asked me and looked at everyone around the table, i followed his action and noticed that everyone was looking at me expectantly apart from Edward, he already knew the story but he nodded for me to tell them. So i did i told them everything starting at the beginning of that fateful day when dad had come home telling us about the job and Emmet asking to stay at a friend's to the months after when i was at my weakest and just needed help.

Once i had finished with my little story i didn't want to look at them, i didn't want to see pity in their eyes or disappointment on their faces so i just looked at the table and fiddled with a loose thread in the table cloth.

"Bella, who's Max? I've never heard you mention him before." Esme said curiously, but before i could answer with the simple answer of just friends Edward cut in.

"Max is Bella's boyfriend." he answered for me.

"Does he know about the drugs Bella?" Carlisle asked but again before i could answer with a simple yes Edward cut in.

"Are you kidding, he's her supplier." He told him i carried on looking at the table cloth i knew they would be shocked first to hear i have a boyfriend but then to find out he's where the drugs come from i don't think Carlisle is going to be happy.

"Bella is that true that your boyfriend is where the drugs are coming from?" Carlisle asked taking the lead in the conversation like always. I just replied by nodding my head.

"Were you together before he was your dealer?" Carlisle asked, but the tone in his voice made me look up at him.

"What do you mean by that?" i asked quite offended he couldn't be asking what i thought he was.

"Just asking if he took advantage of you before giving you the drugs." He said like it was a normal thing to say.

"If you're asking have i sold my body to get the drugs then no, i pay him with cash although he does make it cheaper for me because we're together." I explained

"Well that's good then and I'm sorry if i offended you, it wasn't my intention." He said politely. I just nodded again letting him know it was ok and that he didn't upset me.

"How can you say that, that is good? He is giving her the drugs cheaper, which means she could get more for her money, which is probably why she is taking so many, how can you say that it's alright?" Emmet asked Carlisle angry.

"I didn't say it was Emmet i just said that is was good that she wasn't sleeping with him to get them." Carlisle replied "I do agree with you though that she is taking to many, and Bella although i said i wouldn't send you to rehab, which i wont i want you to cut down on what you are taking. Can you do that?" he asked me. Could i do that, I'm sure i could it's not like i needed them anyway i could stop if i wanted to.

"Ok Carlisle i agree to cut back, i won't use so often and i will stop taking most of the things i take." I said trying to get him off my back

"I don't expect you to stop Bella because it won't be that easy, you may not think that you are addicted and that you are in control but even i can tell from the way that your body reacts without any substance that your body is addicted and even if you stop taking some your body will just crave the other things and you will become more addicted to those like heroin." Carlisle said pulling out the "I'm addicted card again". I just rolled my eyes at him.

"Bella, don't roll your eyes Carlisle knows what he is talking about, and if he says that you're addicted why won't you just listen to him. Stop being so stubborn and let him help you before it's too late and you're in the box 6ft under."Rosalie said actually acting like she cared.

"Can we not have this discussion again, we have been having it a lot lately and it's starting to get old." I said "can't we talk about this all another time, like in a few months or something?" i asked looking at Carlisle

"Were just trying to help Bella, we don't want to see you hurting or suffering, we want you to be able to come to us and not rely on the drugs to block out your emotions, you can't run from your problems forever, and someday they are going to catch up with you when you least expect it and no amount of drugs are going to be able to help you cushion the blow, but we will all be there helping you throw it." Esme said doing the normal mother routine. I just stared at her and then nodded; she lightly tapped my arm and got up from her seat. "Ok well if everyone has finished i think the men need to wash up while us ladies go into the lounge and watch a bit of T.V., what do you say girls?" Esme asked while looking from Rosalie to Alice to me. Alice and Rose both agreed and got up from their seats to head to the lounge.

"I think I'm just going to go to bed." I told them while getting up, i tucked my chair in i picked up my plate and cutlery and took it into the kitchen, i placed the on the side next to the sink ready for the men to wash up i then left the room heading for the stairs i just reached the bottom stair when Esme called out to me. I turned around to face her and she surprised me bringing me into a hug.

"Goodnight Bella, sweet dreams." She said while kissing my forehead. She released me and made her way into the lounge joining Rose and Alice.

I made my way to my room closing the door behind me but not locking it. I changed into my pyjamas which were fleece pyjama bottoms and a black tank top. I brushed my teeth and hair before crawling under the covers. As i laid in my bed waiting for sleep to take me, i couldn't help but think over the day's events, it gave me hope that maybe in the future we could be a proper family and maybe just maybe i could be more with Edward.

I was about to fall asleep when i heard my door open i rolled over and looked towards it and noticed Edward standing there dressed in his flannel pyjama bottoms and not t-shirt showing off his beautifully defined abs. I was confused as to why he was standing in my doorway but before i could ask he spoke.

"I just came to say goodnight." He said while walking around the bed towards me. He knelt down in front of me and brushed my hair out of my face he then placed a feather light kiss to my forehead and made a move to get up, but before he could i grabbed a hold of his hand and pulled him towards me, and before it even registered to me what i was doing i kissed his cheek and asked him to stay with me. He agreed by getting into the bed beside me and pulling me towards his chest so we were spooning. It was a very comfortable position and it made me feel safe, cared for and dare i say loved? I knew it wouldn't take long for me to fall asleep so i whispered a quiet "goodnight" and got a kiss to the top of my head in reply. I snuggled into his arms and let sleep overtake me, and for the first time since the accident i slept the whole night through only dreaming of a green eyed god who was asleep next to me, holding me in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I awoke the next morning to the annoying beeping sound of my alarm clock letting me know it's time to get ready for school. I hate school, i dint have any friends, i mean who would want to be friends with boring old me, of course there were people who tried to make it as difficult as possible for me, i was always ending up in fights and getting suspended because of Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley, the town bikes, taking over the family business, rumour has it that Lauren was actually conceived in a brothel.

I rolled over to turn it off the alarm and rolled straight into Edward, it's strange that i would let Edward stay in my bed considering I'm in a relationship with Max i know but with Edward here i feel safe in his arms and he keeps the nightmares away, I never get that feeling with Max I'm just with him for convenience, i would have to pay more for the drugs if i weren't with him, sex is a bonus to. I sat up in bed and stretched, i shoved Edward seeing if he was awake and got a grunt in return letting me know he was, i turned the alarm clock off, got out of bed and went to the bathroom; i leaned on the sink and looked in the mirror, i still had dark circles under my eyes, no matter how many hours i slept they always seemed to be there, a permanent fixture to my face. My eyes looked dull more so than usual, they were a dark chocolate brown, the same eyes as my mum but hers were prettier. My face looked sullen and sickly. I splashed water on my face to see if it would help, it didn't. I stripped down and got in the shower, as the warm water was running over my shoulders and back i suddenly got a bad feeling that something was going to happen today, i brushed it off as nerves to the start of a new term and continued washing my body and hair, i didn't notice how bad i was shaking until it came to washing my hair, i would take something before school and then take something with me, i know i promised Carlisle i would cut down but it's hard, i like taking them, it's like someone asking you to throw away your favourite toy when you don't need to, although i guess if i don't cut down Carlisle will send me to rehab and i really don't want to go there. I finished washing my hair and got out; i wrapped a towel around my body and then brushed my teeth, before leaving the bathroom i blow dried and brushed my hair. I walked back into my room to get dressed; i looked towards the bed and saw it was just a mass of tangled sheets so Edward must have gone to his room get ready. I put on my black skinny jeans with my grey studded belt, grey tank top and my black hoodie.

I was ready to head downstairs to eat breakfast and go but before i did, i had to stop the shaking, and the only way to go that was either heroin or meth, and seeing as i was low on meth i decided on heroin. I got everything out and ready before injecting it in my foot because i didn't want a saw arm because lately the veins in my arms have been collapsing. I thought about school today and there is no way i would be able to make it through the whole day without taking anything so with that in mind I pulled the needle out of my arm and threw it away and before leaving the room i put some blow and amphetamines in my school bag for when i needed it.

I walked out my room closing the door behind me and walking downstairs and into the kitchen. Everyone was in the kitchen around the table eating, i don't know why we have two dining tables in the house one into the kitchen and dining room but we do. Everyone ignored me when i walked in apart from Edward and Esmee who waved, Carlisle must have left already for his shift at the hospital.

"Good morning Bella, why don't you grab a plate and join us?" Esme asked gesturing to all the food she had cooked on the table. I just sat at the table and ate a plain piece of toast, not sure if my stomach could handle anything, i was feeling sick because that feeling was back in my stomach and it didn't feel like nerves.

"Bella you need to eat more than just a slice of toast." Edward said looking at me seriously.

"I'm not hungry." I replied waving him off.

A few minutes passed in total silence but before it could get to awkward Esme spoke up. "Well it's time for you lot to go to school and Bella no fights today ok sweetheart it's unnecessary."

"Not if they provoke me, i don't mind them spreading rumours about me i can handle it but I'm not going to let them get away with saying things about the rest of you." I said looking straight at her so she would know i was serious.

"Well don't go getting suspended on your first day back." She replied trying to be stern.

"Come on guys were going to be late if we don't leave now." Alice said dragging Jasper towards the garage, with Rose and Em following. Edward grabbed my arm and pulled me along with him to his car.

"I can just get the bus like i normally do." I said to him while he opened the door for me.

"Don't be stupid why spend money when i can take you and it won't cost you." He replied. I got in the car put my seat belt on while he closed the door behind me. He got in the driver's side, put his seat belt on and we were on our way.

When we pulled up in the car park at forks high school i looked around and noticed it was nearly full. Edward parked next in between Emmett's jeep and Alice's Porsche. Her car stuck out like saw thumb but she didn't seem to mind.

Edward came around the car and opened my door; he held his hand out for me to take and helped me out. We stood by the cars with everyone else waiting for the bell to ring for registration; we had the same tutor every year. The group was talking amongst themselves and leaving me to look around to see if the she witches had arrived yet. i noticed them but they weren't paying attention to me they were looking in the other direction and nearly drawling, i followed their line of sight and found what they were staring at i was quite shocked to see Max standing by the school building, i noticed him staring straight at me and he looked livid.

"Hey who's the new guy?" Emmet asked not to anyone in particular. The rest of the group turned around and noticed Max standing there as well.

"Why is he staring at Bella? He looks really angry." Jasper said looking over at me. I didn't take notice i was still staring at Max to see what he would do, i really didn't want to make a scene on the first day back to school.

"That would be Max." Edward answered.

"How do you know him Edward?" Alice asked curiously

"Yeah he looks kind of dangerous."Rosalie said giving her opinion

"It wasn't by choice that i met him, and he i no friend of mine, but he just so happens to be Bella here's boyfriend." Edward said nonchalantly,

"The infamous drug dealer boyfriend." Rosalie sneered but i wasn't paying attention because Max was making his way over to us, and he didn't look very happy. He stopped a few steps away from me so i walked the extra steps towards him, when i was standing in front of him he grabbed the tops of my arms tightly making me whimper slightly in pain.

"Max let go, please your hurting me." I said to him softly trying to calm him down

"What were you doing with that guy again B? Are you cheating on me?" he asked through clenched teeth. He tightened his grip on my arms for a second before letting me go.

"No i told you i could never cheat on you." I said while placing my hand softly on his cheek

"What were you doing in his car? He seemed pretty affectionate towards you opening the door for you and helping you out." He said but he didn't seem quite as angry so i took my hand from his face.

"That's just how he is, and i had nobody else to get a lift with." I said which technically wasn't true i could have got the bus but he didn't need to know that.

"You could have got a life with your brother." He said with a slight smile. He knew that me and Emmet didn't talk.

"Yeah what a journey that would have been." I replied sarcastically

"Well being as I'm here, do i get to meet your family?" he asked, he cupped my cheek and brushed the circles under my eyes. I nodded my head, grabbed his hand and pulled him towards where they we're still standing.

"Guys this is Max, my boyfriend." I said "Max this is Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, my brother Emmet and you've already met Edward." I said while gesturing to each of them as i said their name.

"You really need to learn to stay away from my girlfriend." Max said sneering at Edward, Max could be pretty scary when he wanted to be and he was quite possessive.

"And you need to learn how to treat her properly; you can't just go grabbing her like that." Edward said back with the same sneer, it was clear to me that these two really didn't get on i just didn't know why.

"I can't treat her however i like, she belongs to me." Max said and to emphasise his point he pulled me roughly into his side.

"She doesn't belong to you she isn't some object you can put a claim on." Edward said back angry.

"Well she certainly doesn't belong to you." Max sneered back, he was looking at Edward strangely and then suddenly he turned me to face him and then was kissing me with force. Max deepened the kiss by biting my bottom lip and asking for entrance which i granted, the kiss started to get heavy as pure lust took over, i pulled away before it could go any further and pulled out of his arms, i went and stood next to Edward.

"Max Edward is my friend, you don't have to like him but please stop arguing with him when I'm around." I said politely

"B, i don't want you being friends with him anymore, i know you live in the same house so why don't you move in with me?" he asked but i dint have time to give him my answer.

"My sister will not be living in some flat surrounded by drugs and especially not with you." Emmet said getting in Max's face

"And who are you to say what she can and can't do, you haven't spoken to her in years and so what if she would be surrounded by drugs, she already is she isn't a saint she buys shit loads off me every two weeks, it'll be cheaper for her if she lives with me." Max said getting in Emmet's face, i had to stop this, the bell was going to go in a minute and i didn't really want to see my brother and boyfriend fight.

I managed to get between the two and pushed on both of their chests to get them to move back.

"Max, please, stop, i don't want to move in with you, I'm trying to cut down." i said pushing on his chest

"You can't cut down B, your addicted, the only way you can get off them would be going into rehab and you have always said you won't go there." He sneered at me. "Do you know what, you're not even worth the hassle, you don't put out anymore so you're not any use to me, were through B, find someone else to get your shit from." He sneered, grabbed my hand from his chest and pushed me away.

Before he could get too far i shouted "I've been getting them from someone else anyway." It was probably the wrong thing to say because he stopped where he was and turned slowly to face me.

"What did you just say?" he asked me calmly but it was to calm for him, it was a scary calm like the calm before the storm.

"I said since you cut down on what you were giving me i get the other half from Sam, i guess i can get the full lot from him now, at least he appreciates me." I sneered at him; i was waiting to see what he was going to do next. I didn't have to wait long before he came storming back towards me, fists clenched ready to hit something. Before he could get to me Edward and Emmet stood in his way.

"I suggest you leave, get in your car and never step foot near my sister again." Emmet said while grabbing Max by the throat and lifting him off the floor. "And don't you ever go to hit a female again." with that he put him down and shoved him back. I looked around the lot and noticed that nearly every student had stopped what they were doing and where watching us.

"Just tell your sister that were over" Max stated casually "And you are more than welcome to her, she's trash anyway." He said before walking away but Edward obviously wasn't finished with the conversation because he walked after him, grabbed his shoulder turned him around and punched him square in the face Max feel the ground clutching his right eye.

"Don't you ever talk about her like that." Edward said defending me before walking towards the school.

I watched Max get up from the ground and make his way to his car, Alice grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the school were Edward was waiting with the rest of the group following. When we reached Edward he pulled me to him for a quick hug. But Max just couldn't let it go without having the last word.

"Hey Edward, you can have my sloppy seconds, she is really good in bed, really tight and she likes it hard i could get her to scream my name at least three times a night." Max said arrogantly, but he got the rise he wanted but Emmet held Edward back and pulled him into the school just as the bell rang.

"He's not even worth it Edward." Emmet said dragging him to home room for registration. The rest of the day passed without any more drama, we got our schedules in registration and it turns out were all have the same classes apart from me, Edward and Alice have art when Emmet, Rosalie and Jasper have history. I had to step out of a few classed during the day to go to the bathroom to snort a few lines or take a pill but it was ok. Everyone was talking about what happened this morning but any drama involving me tends to become the school topic for the day. All in all the first day back at school wasn't that bad but i wonder what tomorrow would bring.

We got home at half two and Esme was in the kitchen, when we came out of the garage i said a quick hello before making my way to my room. I thought everyone had stayed to talk to Esme so when i walked in my room and Edward followed it was a bit of a surprise.

"Hey i was wondering if you wanted to do homework together?" he asked, yes even though it as the first day back our English teacher Mrs. Stevens gave us some questions to answer on the reading material of, of mice and men. I agreed and we sat on my bed reading the book and answering the questions together, It didn't take us long to complete.

"Do you want to play twenty questions, get to know each other more?" he asked

"Ok, you first being as you thought of it." I replied I laid down on the bed getting comfy and looked up at the ceiling; Edward copied my position before asking his first question.

"What's your favourite colour?" he asked.

I didn't even think about it before replying. "Green. What's yours?"

"Brown." He replied instantly

"Favourite band?" he asked and the game carried on like that for well over twenty questions.

Esme called us down for dinner at eight when Carlisle was back from the hospital, we discussed how our days had gone and Emmet told him what had happened at school, he didn't seem please but was glad that i wasn't with Max anymore. After dinner Edward and i continued talking in my room getting to know each other. We had a few stops where i would take an amphetamine pill or snort some blow and it didn't seem to bother him. Edward went back to his own room to sleep. i cuddled up in my quilt waiting sleep to take me and when it did it was plagued by my nightmares.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Three weeks had passed since hanging out with Edward, and it was always the same routine now, get up, get high, go to school, go to class, get high, get in arguments or fights with Lauren and Jessica, come home, get high, hang out with Edward, have dinner with the family, get high, go to bed. Since our talk Edward hasn't slept in my bed, i think it's because he doesn't want to be around another druggie after what happened to his friend, but he says it's because he doesn't want to upset me by stepping over the friend boundary when I'm not ready for it, i think it's a load of crap because i seriously wouldn't mind having a boyfriend now or maybe just a fuck buddy because i am ready to explode if i don't get a release. When i was with Max we had sex a few times a week and now i haven't had sex for three and a half weeks. I will have to convince either Alice or Rosalie to have a party and invite a lot of gorgeous guys so i can get drunk and have fun. Since i told everyone the whole story they have accepted me and are trying to help me, well everyone apart from Emmet who just stays clear of me.

Today is the start of spring break, which means we have two weeks off school. Even though i didn't have school today, and i hadn't set my alarm clock, i still got up at seven because my body was programmed to, it needed another fix. So i got out of bed did my normal routine of shower, brush teeth, get dressed and then get high, which now leads me to here being the only person up in the house , sitting in the kitchen munching on a cracker because I'm really not hungry but i know i need to eat something.

I was sat in the kitchen for half an hour before i heard anyone coming down the stairs. It was Esme and Carlisle; they walked into the kitchen without seeing me. Esme went straight to the cooker probably going to start cooking breakfast for everyone and Carlisle made his way to the table where i was sitting.

"Oh, good morning Bella i didn't notice you sitting there." Carlisle said as he sat down.

"Good morning Bella." Esme said in a chirpy voice, walking over to kiss my forehead and then going back to cooking.

"Good morning." I replied and fiddled with my sleeve on my hoodie, today i was wearing white skinny jeans, studded belt, grey print t-shirt and my black and red hoodie, with my grey converse.

"What are you doing today Bella?" Carlisle asked

"Nothing just hanging around the house" i replied still playing with the loose thread on my hoodie "have you got work today?" i asked

"Yes, I've swapped shifts with Dr Cleaver so i will be working this afternoon and will be home late tonight." He replied. Esme placed a plate of pancakes in front of Carlisle and he poured syrup on them before digging in.

"Would you like some Bella?" Esme asked gesturing to Carlisle's pancakes.

"No thank you, I've already eaten." I replied politely

Esme got herself a plate of pancakes and sat down next to Carlisle and began eating. We sat in silence while they ate, Carlisle was reading the morning paper, Esme was reading a home improvement magazine and i was just thinking about what i was going to do today. It wasn't long before everybody else had joined us in the kitchen.

"Good morning, who wants breakfast?" Esme asked, I've never seen Emmet move so fast, he ran around the table and sat down.

"I'm ready Esme, load me up." He said with a cheeky grin. Esme laughed and placed a plate in front of him with 6 pancakes on it.

Everybody else sat down, Alice sat next to Carlisle who was sitting at the head of the table, jasper sat next to Alice and Edward sat next to Jasper, Emmet sat on the other side of Carlisle and Rosalie sat in between me and Emmet. Esme placed a plate of pancakes in the centre of the table and told everyone to dig in; it didn't take long for them to finish the whole plate.

I was starting to feel sick just watching everyone eat so i decided to just go and hang out in my room until later, i got up and as i pushed my chair in Esme spoke.

"Where are you off to dear?" she asked politely

"Just going to hang out in my room, catch up on homework and listen to music." I replied

"Ok, well before you go, me and Carlisle need to ask you all something." She said gesturing to my seat for me to sit back down. I pulled out the seat and sat down waiting patiently for her to continue. "Well we were wondering if it would be ok if we went on a weekend away together, we wouldn't be gone more than three days and i think you're old enough to look after yourselves so what do you say?" she asked

"Yeah I'm ok with that, but who would be left in charge in case anything went wrong?" Alice asked.

"We would leave Emmet in charge because he is the oldest but he isn't exactly sensible are you?" Carlisle said stating a fact, looking at Emmet who was pouting. "So we decided that being as Jasper is the most sensible you can both be in charge and look after the house and each other."

"Ok i don't mind you going on holiday you deserve it from all the work the both of you do." Rosalie said and Jasper nodded agreeing.

"I'm ok with it as well." Edward said giving his opinion. Everyone turned to Emmet to see what his opinion was as he hadn't said anything yet.

"Emmet are you ok with us going on holiday and leaving you in charge?" Esme asked sweetly.

"Yeah I'm ok with that, but what rules do are there and what about Bella, I have no idea of how to handle that whole situation." He said seriously it probably should have offended me but it didn't because i know it wasn't meant that way.

"We will discuss the rules with you and Jasper before we go. And as for Bella, I think you can look after yourself cant you?" Carlisle asked looking at me.

"Yeah, i don't need to be taken care of." I replied nonchalantly fiddling with the loose thread on my hoodie.

"Actually Bella i think your wrong you do need to be taken care of." Alice said accusingly

"Ok that's enough we don't want arguments." Esme said stopping it before it could begin. "How do you feel about this Bella? You haven't said anything." She asked

"I'm ok with it as long as those two don't start bossing me around just because they are in charge." I replied "may I be excused to go and do my homework now?" I asked

"Of course dear and nobody will boss you around."Esme said smiling at me.

I got up from the chair and made my way to my room. I shut the door behind me but didn't lock it there wasn't any need to anymore because they all knew what i did when i was up here and if they didn't want to see it they didn't need to come in.

I got all of my wok out of my school bag and scattered it around the floor. There was a lot of it because i never did homework; i left it until the school holidays for something to do to pass the time. I also had catch up work to do for the days that i hadn't gone in.

I started on my homework first as there was more of that than catch up work. I started up my laptop and started on English because it was my favourite subject, we had to write about a favourite day of our lives, so i wrote about a day when i was seven, we had all gone down to the lake as a family, dad and Emmet were sat on a jetty fishing and me and mum where sat on the bank talking and waiting for the boys to join us for lunch. Just before Emmet got up, a fish pulled on his line but it must have been a big fish because it pulled Emmet straight into the water. It was a funny sight to see. When Emmet was out of the water we all sat around on the blanket eating lunch, talking and just being a family. After lunch we got out the spare bread we had packed and went to feed the ducks and geese. Emmet was teasing the geese so it wasn't a surprise when they started chasing him around the river bank and field, nipping him; it was funny because if he had just dropped the bread he was still holding they would have left him alone.

A knocking on my door brought me out of my memories.

"Come in." I shouted to whoever was at the door. The door opened and Alice walked in the room.

"Hey." She said while sitting on my bed.

"Hi." I replied, looking at her to continue.

"Esme and Carlisle just left, said they were going to the travel agents to book their holiday, i though i would come and let you know." She said

"OK." I replied

"Ok well that's all." She said getting up from the bed and walking to the door.

"Oh Alice there was something i wanted to ask you." I said, she stopped and turned to face me, so i carried on. "When Carlisle and Esme are away i think we should throw a party, what do you think?" i asked hopeful

"Yeah, i think that's a good idea we just have to get Emmet and Jasper to agree which shouldn't be too hard because i can convince Jasper and I'll get Rosalie to convince Emmet. I'll let you know what they say." She replied before walking out the room and closing the door behind her.

I carried on with my essay going into detail about what had happened that day, it was taking a really long time, but it didn't matter because i wanted it to be good, well more than good because i want to be a writer, and whether it be an actual book or a homework assignment I'm going to take my time, so that the reader enjoys it.

I had just finished writing the essay when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." I said softly i didn't know if the person had heard me so i said it again a bit louder. They heard that time because the door opened and Edward walked in.

"Hey." I said i greeting

"Hey, erm i was just on my way to bed and saw your light on and wondered if you were ok." He said, I wondered what he was going on about; surely it couldn't be that late. I looked to my alarm clock and the time read 11:30pm, i had really lost a whole day by getting stuck in memories and writing and essay. Wow.

"I didn't realise it was so late, I'm fine just got caught up in homework and memories." I said while picking up all the homework and shutting down my laptop.

"Ok well Carlisle and Esme booked their holiday they go this Friday and will be back late Sunday evening." He said filing me in on what had happened during the day.

"Ok thanks for letting me know." I said getting up from the floor with the papers in my hand; i put them back in my school bag to start again tomorrow.

"Well I'm off to bed, I'll see you tomorrow Bella." He said

"Ok goodnight." I replied and he walked out the room and closed the door behind him. I picked my laptop off of the floor and but it on my desk that i never use. It was then that i noticed how bad my hands were shaking, i didn't even notice that i hadn't taken anything today because i got so caught up in writing the story and making it good, but i would defiantly have to take something now, because there is no way i would be able to sleep with the muscle pain, shaking and the sweating.

I got out what i needed to inject heroin and did it quickly before snorting two lines of blow, instead of sitting in bed and waiting for the drugs to take effect i decided to have a quick shower, the warm water helped to relax my muscles. I got out of the shower and towel dried my hair, i then got dressed in short shorts and a printed t-shirt. I climbed into bed and felt the drugs overtake my system and helped me find a peaceful sleep.

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	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Today is the day of the party; Alice has been planning like crazy the last few days to make sure everything is perfect, she has been having planning nights every night where she would tell us what was going to happen and then give us jobs, she was being really bossy but that's just the way she is. Most, well actually all the night's turned into movie nights, we would all sit around and listen to Alice tell us what was going to happen and what are jobs where then we would move to the sofas me with Edward, Rosalie with Emmet and Alice with Jasper. Alice would get the snacks and drinks while Rosalie got the blankets and Jasper would put the film in. Every night i would end up falling asleep curled up in Edward's side with his arm resting over my shoulder. I think the planning and the movie nights had actually bought us all closer together because now I'm actually on speaking terms with Alice, Jasper and Rosalie.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a knocking on my door.

"Come in."I said, while searching through my draws for something to wear. I had just got out of the shower so i was only wrapped in my towel.

"Bella, you're supposed to be downstairs already and helping me put up the decorations for tonight." Alice said sounding annoyed. I turned around to look at her and sure enough she had a scowl on her face.

"Alice calm down we have got time, the party doesn't start for another nine hours." It didn't seem to calm her down so i said i would be down in a minute she just nodded and closed the door behind her on the way out.

I searched through my draws and decided to wear a skirt as i was only going to be walking around the house today, i put on my dark blue lacy thong and bra, i put on my tartan mini skirt and black tank top without a hoddie because everyone had seen my arms anyway so what was the point in covering them up, and put on my red canvas shoes.

I left my room and was about to go down stairs when i started to get muscle pain, i was really trying hard the past few days to cut back because Edward had help me realise that the drugs were controlling me not the other way around, i could see how bad the addiction had got but i didn't know how to stop taking them i didn't want to be in pain i didn't want to get sick but the thing i didn't want most was to see the disappointment in their eyes when i failed from not being able to cut back or when it would kill me, because i knew it would. I wouldn't have been able to realise it without Edwards help, but right now i needed the drugs to take away the pain. I turned back towards my room, and shut the door behind me. I took out my little baggie of pills and swallowed two but i knew that wouldn't be enough so i snorted two lines of blow as well. I don't know how long the high will last when the drugs take effect but i promised Edward that i would only take something if i started to get muscle pain.

I walked back out of the room and down the stairs, and walked into the living room it was already starting to look good, Rosalie was putting up streamers, the boys were sorting out the DJ area, by doing all the electrics and sorting out the decks, apparently we didn't need to hire a DJ because Rosalie knew how to spin, i just hoped she played decent music. Alice was standing watching the boys barking out orders, and i just leaned against the door frame and watched, it was really quite comical because Emmet kept getting caught up in the electrical wires, Edward didn't seem to know what he was doing and Jasper was just trying to do what Alice sais to make her happy but kept getting it wrong. I must have laughed a bit too loud because everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me.

"Good, you finally graced us with your presence; i want you to put up these lights around the windows." Alice said handing me some hanging lights. I took the lights from her and put them by the window so i could get the step ladder. I got the ladder form under the stairs and went back into the living room and set the ladder in a safe spot by the window, i was suddenly over come with energy, i knew that the drugs were starting to take effect which was good because i would need all the energy i could get if i was spending the day with Alice shouting out orders sorting things out for tonight.

It had only taken me forty-five minutes to finish hanging the lights, i got off of the ladder and looked around the room, Emmet was moving all of the furniture around and had cleared a big space in the middle of the room for a dance floor, the couches and chairs now lined the walls. The room looked amazing and i couldn't wait for the party to start to get the full effect of the room. We continued decorating the rest of downstairs, upstairs was out of bounds tonight, it's a good thing that we have a downstairs toilet. The boys set up all the alcohol, and us girls set up the snacks, by the time we had finished everything we had three hours to get ready, the boys decided it wouldn't take them long to get ready so they headed to Emmet's room to play video games on the x-box 360. Alice and Rosalie went to Alice's room to start getting ready. I had been having bad muscle pain for about an hour now and was starting to feel nauseous so i went to my room i figured i may as well take so hard stuff to get me in the mood for a party so i injected heroin. I'm surprised that nobody noticed that i was shaking or sweating, they didn't even notice the quiet whimpers that escaped me. I decided to do a line of blow as well and then got in the shower.

The warm water flowing over my body felt heavenly, i washed my body with my freesia body wash and then washed my hair with my strawberry shampoo and conditioner. I shaved all over, i even made sure to shave down stairs. I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body and y hair, i brushed my teeth before leaving the bathroom. I sat on my bed and took my make-up bag out of the top draw of my bed side table; i took out the small compact mirror and my tweezers, and plucked my eyebrows. I left my make-up bag on the bed and looked through my wardrobe for something to wear for tonight's party. I couldn't find anything in my wardrobe that i wanted to wear. I looked through my draws to see if anything was in there, but i couldn't find anything, i stopped looking when there was a knock on my door.

"Come in." I said exasperated because at this rate i would be going in my underwear.

"Oh good you're not ready yet." Alice said as she walked into my room. "Right where to start." She said while tapping her chin with her pointer finger.

"We need to pick her out an outfit first Alice." Rosalie said walking into my room and sitting on my bed.

"Erm guys? What do you want?" i asked while looking at them sceptically, they didn't look ready for the party at all, they both had wet hair so it was obvious they had showered they just needed to do their hair, make-up and get dressed.

"We have come to get you ready of course." Alice said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Oh i have the perfect outfit for you. Put some underwear on and meet us in my room in ten minutes." She said before dragging Rosalie out of my room. I quickly put on my matching black lacy thong and bra, and my dressing own and walked across the hall to Alice's room.

I knocked on the door and heard Rosalie call for me to come in. I walked in the room and looked around, it was the first time i had ever entered Alice's room and it was so bright with bright coloured walls and furniture to match.

"Come sit here Bella." Alice said politely pulling out the chair in front of her vanity mirror. I walked over and sat down in the chair.

"Rosalie can you do her hair while i do her make-up please?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, sure. How do you want it?" Rosalie asked while taking my hair out of the towel.

"Erm, i think loose curls will look good with the outfit i have picked out." Alice replied.

Rosalie got to work on my hair, putting in some sort of hair treatment and then blow drying my hair before curling it into loose curls. Alice did my make-up and gave me a Smokey eye look. I sat in the chair for one and a half hours, the drugs had worn off a while ago and the muscle pain was getting worse i tried not to show that i was in pain but i think they took my grimaces and whimpers as protest to how long they were taking.

"Ok you're done, put this dress on, and then you can look in the mirror and get a full effect of the whole look." Alice said handing me a black and blue dress, that didn't look like a dress at all but just a long t-shirt, it was that short, but i didn't protest because the quicker i had the dress on and was ready the quicker they left me alone and i could go to my room and take something, anything just to stop the pain i was in agony, my whole body hurt even the slightest movement would feel like i was being stabbed.

"You can change in here; i don't want you going in the bathroom because there is a mirror in there." Alice said. I took the dress from her and placed it on the bed. Alice then went back to the vanity mirror and blow dried her hair, while Rosalie was sat in the chair doing her make-up. I turned my back to them and quickly took of my dressing gown while they were facing away from me and slipped on the dress. I was right it barely covered anything but i couldn't complain even though it wasn't something i would have picked out myself i couldn't deny that it was a nice dress. I turned around to face them and they both looked at me in shock.

Alice turned the hairdryer off and said "Wow you look gorgeous." I just blushed nobody apart from my parents had ever given me a compliment of how i looked before, my parents were always telling me how pretty or beautiful i was.

"Alice is right, and you have curves, you should show them more often instead of hiding them under those hoodie's you wear." Rosalie said in what i guess was supposed to be a compliment.

"Here put these on." Alice said handing me a pair of black high heels.

"And this." Rosalie said holding a black belt.

I took the shoes from Alice while Rosalie put the belt around my waist. I had to get out of here fast because the pain was getting worse and i was starting to feel sick i really needed to take something. The pain was why i couldn't ever quit, i wouldn't be strong enough to go through so much pain it would literally break me. I had to get out of here fast, but without making them suspicious of me.

"Ok guys well if you're done with me, I'll go back to my room so you can finish getting ready." I said to them and got a nod from them both in reply as they continued getting ready.

I nearly sprinted back to my room, i was in desperate need, and I felt like if I didn't have it now I was going to explode. I ran to my draws and took out the blow i snorted two lines and waited for the shaking to stop before readying the needle to inject the heroin. It took half an hour for the pain and shaking to stop but eventually it did and i threw the used needle and cotton wool away and tidied up my room a bit. It wasn't long before i heard the music playing downstairs and people were arriving.

"Hey Bella, you coming down? People are arriving and the living room is filling up." Edward said as he poked his head around my door.

"Yeah ill be down in a minute." I replied.

"Ok see you down there." He said flashing me his crocked grin that made my heart skip a beat. I don't know what it is with Edward but whenever he is around i feel the need to touch him and be near him, i craved his company and when we did touch i could feel sparks like electricity running through my veins it was almost better than getting high. I made sure that my make-up wasn't smudged and that my dress wasn't creased before heading downstairs and closing the door behind me.

Let the party begin.

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	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It looked like the party was in full swing. People were in the middle of the living room some dancing while others were practically having sex with each other, you could literally cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife. It looked like everyone was well on the way to being drunk and having a good time, when Alice threw a party she didn't do anything half way, she went full out. I looked around and saw Emmet standing with Rose at the DJ stand as Rose was the DJ for the evening, and she really wasn't that bad. Rosalie looked amazing in the black dress she was wearing it hugged all of her curves it was no wonder Emmet was standing so close, he could hardly keep his hands off of her. I saw Alice and Jasper amongst the bodies on the dance floor grinding just like everyone else, Alice looked amazing as well in the white dress she was wearing, the guys had nearly the same outfit on they were both wearing jeans and a shirt apart from Jaspers was white to math Alice's dress and Emmet's was black to match Rosalie's dress. I couldn't find Edward anywhere; i decided to look for him, to make sure he wasn't getting harassed by some tramp trying to get in his pants.

Sure enough Edward was standing next to the drinks table being cornered by the town bikes themselves, Jessica and Lauren. Edward caught me looking over and looked and me with pleading eyes asking for my help. I walked over and pushed my way through the bitches to stand in front of Edward. I put my hands in his chest and kissed his neck; he wrapped his arms around me low on my hips and pulled me closer to him. I could tell he had muscles, i could feel through his shirt that he was toned.

"What do you think you're doing with my boyfriend?" Lauren asked in her nasal voice. I turned my head to reply an nearly burst out laughing, she looked like a clown she had way to much make-up on, i think she thought that she looked pretty and with the look she was giving Edward i think she tough it was seductive. She was wearing a piece of material that you can't even call a skirt because it doesn't really cover anything if she bent over she would flash everyone, and her top left nothing to the imagination she was basically hanging out of it. She looked like a hooker she was even wearing hooker heels, and Jessica wasn't dressed much better Jessica's skirt was a little longer and she wasn't hanging out of her top as much but she still looked like a hooker.

"I think you are mistaken if you think Edward would want to be with someone like you." I replied and turned back around to Edward. I stood up on my tiptoes so i could reach his ear. "Go with this." I whispered to him, i licked his neck and i swear i heard him moan. I pulled back and looked at him. "Let's go dance." I said pointedly. He just nodded his head so i took his hand and pulled him through the crowd to the dance floor. I listened to the song that was playing, it was Flo Rida club can't handle me; it was a good song if i was going to convince Lauren that Edward wasn't hers. I turned in his arms so my back was to his chest, and pressed my hips back into him, it didn't take a lot of convincing for him to place his hands low on my hips a grind into my backside. I looked back to were Lauren was standing and saw she had a really sour expression on her face as if she had sucked a lemon. I just smirked at her and carried on dancing with Edward, he didn't seem to care that he was dancing with me because we ended up dancing for about half an hour. It wasn't strange or uncomfortable dancing with Edward in fact it was nice i felt safe being in his arms as i always did.

Edward pushed my hair off of my shoulder and leaned down to place a few kisses there, he kissed up my neck until he reached my ear.

"Do you want to go and get a drink?" he asked will licking behind my ear. I let out a slight moan and just nodded my head. He placed his hand on the bottom of my back to guide me towards the dining table in the kitchen where all the drinks were. There weren't many people standing around in the kitchen there were two people molesting each other in the corner, seriously it looked like they were going to have sex right there in front of everyone, a group of four guys standing by the sink talking and drinking beer and two girls getting a drink.

"What would you like to drink?" Edward asked while getting himself a beer from the fridge. I looked around to what was on the tale and just grabbed a bottle of vodka. Edward looked a bit shocked when i picked up the full bottle but didn't pour it instead i drank straight from the bottle, it burnet a bit on the way down but i was used to it. We stayed in the kitchen me sat on the work top next to the sink and Edward standing next to me.

"So are you enjoying the party?" Edward asked angling his body to face me.

"Wow what a conversation starter." I replied sarcastically with a smirk.

"Well you know me, the master of conversation." He replied smiling at me. I slapped him lightly on the shoulder, laughing slightly at him. He moved so he was standing between my legs and rested his hands on my thighs.

"You didn't answer my question." He smirked "Are you enjoying the party?" he asked me again still smiling.

"Erm no, I've got you for company and you suck." I replied trying to look serious but burst out laughing because of the look on his face, i think the alcohol was starting to take effect.

"Aww I'm glad you think so much of me." He replied sarcastically and started tickling me making me bust out in uncontrollable laugher begging him to stop. He finally stopped after about five minutes because it was getting difficult for me to breathe. I lifted the vodka bottle to my lips and tried to drink from it only to notice that it was empty.

"I'm all out; I'm going to get another." I said a bit slurred pointing to the. I got down off the side but i wasn't expecting the dizziness or lack of balance and fell into Edward.

"Wow i think someone's had too much to drink." He said chuckling, while holding me up. It was only then that i realised that my muscles where aching and my hands were shaking. I brought my hands up to my face to look at my hands more closely; Edward must have seen what i was looking at as he said "I'm guessing that your hands shaking aren't anything to do with the alcohol." I just nodded my head still looking at my hands. "Come on let's get you upstairs so you can take care of it." He wrapped an arm around my waist supporting most of my weight and lead me to the stairs, but we weren't so lucky to avoid everyone as just as we got to the stairs Alice stepped in front of me blocking our way.

"Where are you going? There are people still here; this is our party you can't just disappear." She said while gesturing with her hand to the people surrounding us.

"Bella had too much to drink and isn't feeling well so i was going to take her to her room so she can lie down." Edward lied quickly and rather convincingly because Alice looked at me and then nodded with a sad and sort of disappointed expression, that look could have been because she could guess why we were going upstairs or because she really was upset that we were leaving the party already. Edward lead me to my room and set me down on the bed and then sat down next to me, I didn't sit there for long because i was starting to get muscle spasms and it was really hurting so i got up, went to my draws and took out my baggie or pills. I took out two amphetamine pills and swallowed them, i put the baggie back and took out another this one containing my cocaine, i placed the bag on top of the draws and pinched some off the powder between my for finger and thumb and placed a line on my left hand, i then sniffed up the substance and kept sniffing until it was gone and i could feel it running down my throat i did two more lines before walking over to the bed and sat down on the edge, Edward moved over to the other side of the bed and laid on his back and then patted the bed next to him indicating me to lay next to him. I shifted on the bed to take up the position by his side, i laid on my side facing him; Edward wrapped his arm around me placing his hand on my hip, i rested my head on his chest, over his heart sand listened to it beat. We stayed like that for a long time just laying together in silence, me listening to his heart beating and trying to match the pace of mine to his, but mine was beating a lot faster because of the drugs in my system.

"I could get used to this." i heard him whisper, i just hummed in response agreeing with him because lying like this really was relaxing. The effect of the drugs and the relaxing feeling of being in Edwards arms were slowly sending me to sleep.

"You know, I've noticed a change in you lately, you haven't seemed so reliant on the drugs in the past week, it's like you only take them when you really need to, I'm proud of you Bella." Edward said softly, sincerely and emphasised his point by placing a feather light kiss on my forehead, his lips lingering for a while. He very nearly brought tears to my eyes, in the past few years i have only heard how much of a disappointment i am nobody had told me that they are proud of me.

"Thank you." I replied a bit chocked up.

"I didn't mean to upset you Bella." He said shifting his position so he was facing me; he draped his arm over my waist pulling me closer to him.

"You didn't Edward, it's just that i haven't heard anybody in the past few years say that they are proud of me, but i can't say that i have done something to make them proud of me." I replied while fiddling with a stray piece of thread on my bottom of my top. I heard him sigh and i knew he was trying to think of something that would make the conversation lighter as well as trying to make me feel better which wasn't necessary.

"Edward you don't have to say anything. It's my fault, i never did anything that is worth being proud of, I'm not even proud of what I've done, when i look back on my life i can see where it all went wrong but i also know that it was immature of me to let my life get so out of control that now i can't go a day without getting high which in turn hurts the people i care about, I've pushed away the only blood related family i have left how can anybody be proud of that, but i am trying to sort it out i am trying to get my life back on track, you may not know it Edward but you helped me. When you first arrived i thought it was the worst thing that could have happened, but in actual fact if you hadn't of come i think that i would still be invisible to everyone, i think they would still be ignoring me unless it was absolutely necessary that they talk to me. You pulled me out of the darkness and helped me see that I'm not in control and that the drugs have taken over, if it weren't for you Edward i would probably be dead." I was still looking down at my top keeping me eyes away from him because everything i said made me feel incredibly vulnerable to admit, and i don't want anybody showing me pity.

I felt Edward's finger under my chin lifting my head up so my eyes would met his. I couldn't see any pity anywhere in his eyes but his eyes were swirling with emotion anger, sadness and something else i couldn't recognise. He was staring straight into my eyes i would swear he could see my soul. His eyes flickered down to my lips and then back up to my eyes, he moved his head closer to mine as if he were going to kiss me. Was he going to kiss me? Do i want him to kiss me? I was starting to get confused there were so many emotions that i was feeling and i had no idea how to control them. Do i even like Edward that way? I mean he is gorgeous, he's a nice guy, he makes me feel safe, and he never has made me feel worthless or like i don't belong. I don't like Edward, do i?

I didn't have time to think about it anymore than that because Edward's lips were on mine. It was slow at first but began to pick up speed and with it passion. He wrapped his arms tighter around me one hand on the bottom of my back and the other at the bottom of my neck, my hands went into his hair pulling lightly. I pressed my tongue to his lips gently asking for permission for entrance, he moaned slightly in the back of his throat and opened up, or tongues fort for dominance, i let him lead the kiss until we broke away panting for breath.

I think that kiss answered my question YES! Yes i do like Edward, but why would he like me?

"What was that?" i asked a bit shocked that he had actually kissed me.

"I'm sorry Bella. I don't know why i did that, i mean, i like you but i shouldn't have attacked you like that I'm sorry" Edward said burying his face into my shoulder.

"No Edward, don't apologise i mean...hang on did you just say you like me?" i asked astounded did he really just say he liked me or was it my head playing tricks on me?

Edward pulled back a bit and looked at me for a few seconds before opening his moth to speak before closing it again, he looked like a fish but a good looking fish.

"Yes Bella, I...Erm I...I like you." He said looking sheepish. A small smile spread its way across my lips. "But" he said

"Why is there always a but?" i asked sarcastically with a small smile trying to make this conversation less awkward.

"Bella, don't do that I'm trying to be serious here. I do like you and i do want to be with you, it's just after watching my friend kill himself with the drugs i just don't want to put myself in that situation again." he said looking at me apologetically

"So you're saying if i weren't an addict that we could be together?" i asked sceptically. He nodded his reply shyly. "It's not that simple Edward, i can't just give up it's a hell of a lot more difficult than that."

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy, i know it would be hard for you and you would be in a lot of pain but i would be there with you every step of the way that is if you even want me that way." He said looking down at his hands.

I have never felt so awkward in my life, but sitting here with Edward who looked like a Greek god with the personality of angel Gabriel, i don't find it easy opening up to people but he opened up to me and told me about his feelings so why was i finding it so difficult, i must have taken too long in answering because Edward started to fidget and back track.

"It's ok, Bella if you don't feel the same i won't hold it against you and I'm sorry if it ruined your evening." He said looking rejected.

"No, Edward it's not that, i just have a hard time talking about feelings and you haven't spoilt my evening actually your what made it good i probably would have left earlier if you weren't there to dance with and talk to." I replied blushing shyly.

"So what are you saying exactly?" he asked smirking. He was going to make me say it.

"You're going to make me say it aren't you." I said groaning

"Say what?" he asked innocently with a smile tugging at his lips.

"You're going to make me say yes, because yes Edward i do like you and as more as a friend, but you're asking me to do something totally improbable, i won't be able to give up the drugs it was so hard just cutting back." I said sadly.

"Bella do you want to give them up, if you could would you want to?" he asked. As i began to answer he carried on "Because if you do i will be there every step of the way i will hold your hand and be there when you need me, we can do it together." He said looking at me sincerely. I didn't know how to answer that, i know i don't want to be addicted anymore but what if he decides I'm too much hassle or too high maintenance and he doesn't want to stick around then what will i do ill have nothing to fall back on, surely if i were going to do this i would have to do it for me and I'm not sure if I'm at that place were i can say, yes i do want to quit, i don't want to go through all the pain for nothing, although it wouldn't be for noting i would be clean and possibly have Edward at the end and we could have a normal relationship and be together and live happily ever after, but life isn't that simple something would go wrong i know it would and then where would that leave me, the cycle would start all over again.

"Bella you don't have to answer me now, i know it's going to be hard for you to make the decision on whether to trust me and make a life changing decision or stay with what is your normal but i will be here waiting when you decide."He said brushing a stray piece of hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear. "Now i think it's time we go to sleep we can talk some more about it tomorrow if you want." He said. I nodded my head in reply; he got up from my bed and headed to the door.

"Edward." i called and waited for him to turn and face me. "Thank you for being under-standing, I'll see you in the morning, goodnight." I said and smiled at him.

"Goodnight Bella" he replied smiling before walking out the door and shutting it behind him.

I couldn't hear any music coming from downstairs so the party must have finished when we were talking. I got up from the bed, walked to my draws and pulled out a black tank top and a stripy pair of pyjama bottoms, before going into the bathroom and changing; when i had changed i put my dirty clothes in the hamper and brushed my teeth before heading back to my bedroom. I went to my draws and pulled out my baggie of pills i only had four left so i would have to go to Sam either tomorrow or Monday, i took two pills out and swallowed them, i put the baggie back in the draw before I got into bed and snuggled under the covers, it wasn't long before the effects of the drugs and sleep over took my body.

**thanks for reading **

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**please review and tell me what you think but dont be to harsh **


	13. Chapter 13

**sorry it took so long for me to get this chapter out, ive just started a new job and its pretty time consuming but i will try and get the next one out as soonas i can. thanks for being patient. i just hope that this chapter is good enough and makes up for the long wait. :)**

Chapter 13

I awoke the next morning to someone knocking on my door. _Why are people always knocking on my door? _I thought to myself.

"Hey Bella are you awake." I heard Edward shout through the door whilst knocking.

_Well i am now_. I thought to myself. I looked at the alarm clock on my bedside table and noticed it was 8:30 on a Sunday morning, who gets up at 8:30 on a Sunday it's not normal, but apparently i was because Edward was still knocking on my door. I got out of bed and went to open the door. I opened the door and there stood Edward dressed in jeans and t-shirt ready for the day standing in my door way.

"What do u want Edward?" i asked a bit sharply, sleep still evident in my voice. Edward looked a bit taken back by my tone of voice.

"I was just wondering if you had anything planned for today and if we could finish our conversation?" Edward asked with a hopeful look on his face

I was just about to reply when i remembered that i was running low of my supply of drugs, and was going to have to go and see Sam at some point today.

"Sorry Edward I'm busy this morning maybe we can hang out later?" i asked. I could see the hopeful expression on his face drop slightly, before he covered it up with a smile.

"Ok, we can hang out later. What time will you be back?" he asked

"I'm not sure but if i leave soon i shouldn't be too long." I replied

"Ok, then I'll leave you to get ready, and I'll see you later." He replied before turning and walking downstairs.

I felt bad not telling Edward where i was going but he didn't ask and even if he did i probably wouldn't tell him, not after the conversation we had yesterday anyway, with him asking me to give up the drugs, I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind right now to be giving up the drugs, i mean they ask me to cut down and even though it was hard i did it but i don't think i can give up not fully, not just yet anyway, even though i want to.

Carlisle and Esme are due back sometime tonight so i had better go into town this morning when the others are hung over and won't ask questions about where i am going.

I went into my bathroom and turn on the shower. I put my hand under the water to check the temperature, when it is hot enough i strip down and get in closing the shower door behind me. I wash all of my body and hair thoroughly. I shave my legs and other places before getting out and drying off. I wrap a towel around my hair and body before brushing my teeth. I walk back into my room and take my hair dryer out of my wardrobe. I plug it in the socket next to my floor length mirror; i then take the towel from my hair and proceed to dry my hair. Once my hair is dry i un-plug the hair dryer and place it back in my wardrobe, i then pick out my black skinny jeans, white tank top and black hoodie. I pick out my underwear, bra and socks and start to get dressed, once I'm dressed i put on my white daps. I then walk over to my draws take out the little baggie of pills and swallow the last two before picking up my dark blue draw string bag, to put everything in. Once I'm deem myself ready i head downstairs to grab a piece of fruit.

When i get downstairs nobody is around which means they are all probably still in bed nursing their hangovers, although i would have thought that Edward would be around somewhere as he was up earlier. I pick up a banana and eat it before throwing away the peel and walking out the door.

As I'm walking down the drive i suddenly remember that it's Sunday and the buses don't run until later, so i walk back into the house, walk through the kitchen and into the garage, i decide to take Alice's car because she isn't likely to notice i have taken it. I take Alice's keys from the hook and unlock the car before getting in, putting on my seat belt. I turn the stereo off because she has got some awful CD playing, press the button on the keys for the garage to open, put the car in gear and drive off.

The drive into town doesn't take long, it's just finding a parking space near to the pub that is the problem, eventually i find one and it's not too far away. As i head towards the pub i can see the usual people outside, Jake being one of them.

Jake doesn't notice me as i walk up to the pub as he has his back to me. I walk up behind him silently gesturing to the people in front of him to not tell him I'm there. I put my hands over his eyes, stand up on tip-toes and whisper in his ear "guess who." He pulls my hands away, turns around and grabs me up into a hug.

"Little B what you doing here?" he asks with a big smile on his face. I just smile at him, as if that is answer enough he gets a strange look on his face. "Oh yeah that's right i heard you and Max broke up. So I'm guessing your here to see Sam about getting another lot am i correct?" he asked

"Yes you would be correct." I replied

"Well you would be in luck because Sam is in a good mood today because Emily isn't around." Said one of the guys Jake was talking to.

"Come on B, I'll take you to him." Jake said grabbing the top of my arm and dragging me with him, I'm guessing in the direction of Sam. Sam was sat in his usual place at the back of the pub on the sofa.

"Well hello Bella, long time no see what can i do for you?" Sam asked smiling politely at me.

"You know what she wants Sam it's what she always comes around here for." Said one of the guys standing behind Sam, Seth i think his name was.

"Yes i heard about you and that weasel breaking up, so i guess you will be buying the lot from me and not half and half am i correct?" Sam asked quite smugly

I walked around the table that was in front of the couch and sat in the spot next to Sam, when i sat down he put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.

"You would be correct." I replied

"Well have you got time to hang out before you got to get back, or is it a get it and go?" Sam asked

"I guess i could hang out for a bit, nobody is expecting me back." That was a lie of course because Edward was expecting me but we can hang out later, i haven't seen Sam in a while and besides i wasn't in the mood to have a heavy conversation that i knew was going to happen when i talked to Edward so what would an hour be?

"So what has been happening around here lately?" i asked generally curious. Sam knew i wasn't asking about his group but in the area.

"Well your ex has been acting up a bit, making a scene; he's been arrested a few times but never charged with anything. Apart from that, not a lot really." Same replied

"So what has been happening with your lot? How come Emily isn't around?" i asked

"Well Emily is out with Leah, shopping, for what i don't know. Those girls have everything that they could possibly want and why you girls take so long to go shopping i will never know." Sam replied

"Hey what do you mean us girls, not all girls are like that it takes me about an hour and a half to get in get what i want and get out." I said frustrated.

"Alright don't get you undies in a twist, anyway what's going on in your life lately, aint heard from you in a while." Sam asked

"Not a lot really, family is starting to get on my case about giving up the drugs, i mean they already got me to cut down on the intake and now Edward wants me to quit completely, it's not like i don't want to quit but..." i didn't finish because Sam interrupted.

"Hold up, who the hell is Edward?" Sam asked with a confused look on his face.

"Erm i guess you could say he is my adopted brother but were closer than that." i replied trying to avoid giving to much about me and Edward away, besides i wouldn't even know how to describe mine and Edwards relationship because i certainly don't think of him as my brother.

"How close?" Sam asked wanting more information.

"I don't know how to explain it, i guess you could say we both have feelings for each other "romantically" but Edward said that while I'm still taking drugs he doesn't want to take our friendship further." I replied giving him an outline of what was going on.

"i think you should bring him down here and introduce him, so we can check him out and make sure he is good enough for our B" Jacob said sanding in the corner a few feet away, to be honest i had forgot he was there.

"And what would i introduce you as, "Oh hey Edward meet my friends, this is Sam my drug dealer and his thug friend Jacob" yeah that would go down well, i don't think." I replied quite sarcastically.

"No you could just say we are your older friends and that we look out for you, which to be honest is true, you don't have to tell him that you get the drugs from us." Jacob stated.

"Ok you two let's not fight about this, if B wants to bring her little boy toy down to meet us then she can and she can introduce us as whoever and whatever she likes. Now, Paul, get the drinks in." Sam ordered politely

"B what you drinking?" Paul asked me, standing at the bar.

"Nothing for me, i really should be getting back now." I replied whilst getting up from the sofa. Jacob and the other guys came and gave me a hug all saying the good-byes.

"Don't be a stranger B, even if you don't need any of the stuff just come down and spend some time with us now that you're not hanging around with that prick anymore." Sam said coming over to hug me. He kissed my forehead in a brotherly way and then released me. "Jared, get B here her stash from the car would you." Sam asked him. Jared wasn't gone long before he came back in carrying a carrier bag. He handed me the carrier bag and then went back to sitting at a table in the corner.

"Well see you soon guys." I said handing Sam the money and leaving the pub. I waved as i walked out door and told the guys outside good-bye before waving to them also and walking to the car

The drive home didn't take very long, but when i looked at the clock i realised i had been out longer than i thought, which probably meant everyone would be up by now.

I parked Alice's car back where she had left it. I quickly put the carrier bag in my draw string bag before getting out of the car and locking it. I put the keys back on the hook and walked through the door into the kitchen. Nobody was in the kitchen but i could hear voices coming from what sounded like the lounge. I walked toward the voices and stood in the doorway to the lounge, they were all sitting on the couches watching a film. Nobody had heard me come in so i crept from the doorway, up the stairs and into my room. I took the carrier bag from my bag and emptied its contents into the drawer. It is then that i can't ignore the shaking anymore and take out the baggie of blow. I pinch the powder between my thumb and fore-finger and make a line on the back of my left hand, i then snort it and can feel it running down the back of my throat, i make another line and do the same thing, i then wipe the excess powder on my thumb and fore-finger into my gums before wetting my finger and dabbing at the back of my left hand for any leftover powder and then wipe that into my gums. I put the baggie back into the draw and throw the carrier bag away, in my waste bin in my bathroom. I then walk out of my room closing the door behind me and walking downstairs. I walk into the lounge without looking at any of them and sit on the spare chair in the corner of the room next to the bookcase.

"Where the hell have you been all morning?" Emmet asked sounding quite angry. Nobody else was paying attention to the conversation we were having they carried on watching the film.

"Out with friends." i replied nonchalantly being more interested in the film than where this conversation was headed.

"What friends Bella, the only people you used to hang around with, was Max and his friends but now you're not together i don't think you will be hanging around with him." Emmet replied wanting to know all the details of my whereabouts. He didn't trust me and that was probably a good thing because i wouldn't trust me either. Rosalie turned from the TV to listen in on the argument.

"Just friends Emmet that's all you need to know." I replied still watching the TV.

"Bullshit, you were out finding a new dealer weren't you." Emmet sneered, and at that everyone else turned their attention from the TV to see what my answer would be.

"Of course i wasn't Emmet, i told you i was out with friends." What i said wasn't really a lie, the guys were my friends but also my dealers, but Emmet didn't need to know that.

"Well how come we have never met these friends of yours?" Emmet asked accusingly. I turned to face him so i could glare at him.

"Well maybe because if i brought them here, you lot would accuse them of either being druggies or my dealer, and besides they wouldn't want to come here." I stated trying to stay calm.

"Actually, Bella, Emmet has a point, we wouldn't judge them if you bought them here, because they are your friends, and they must be nice people if you seclude yourself from the family to hang out with them." Rosalie said looking quite proud of herself that she had made this seem like my fault that we didn't hang out as a family.

"Ok guys let's not get into this argument now, Carlisle and Esmee are going to be back soon and i want this house spotless for them so, Jasper and me will dust and tidy, Edward you can hover, Emmet you can mop the kitchen and bathrooms, Rosalie you can tidy up the front and back garden and Bella you can do whatever is left." Alice said giving out the orders.

"Ok people you heard her, let's move." Jasper said getting up from his place on the couch.

Everyone got up and left the room to do their chore, well everyone apart from Edward who sat staring at me from across the room.

"What Edward?" i asked exasperated.

"I was wondering if we could have that talk now." He said and sighed when he saw the expression on my face.

"Edward I'm really not in the mood right now to have this conversation, can it please wait?" i asked. He didn't get a chance to reply because Emmet came back into the room.

"Edward come on leave her to do what she wants we have jobs to do to make the place look nice when the rents get here." Emmet said grabbing Edwards arm and lead him out of the room.

I can't believe what Emmet just said, i had no idea he thought of Carlisle and Esme as mum and dad, I mean I know he sees them as the authority figure, but what about our parents does that mean he's forgotten them, that he can replace them that easily, do they mean nothing to him anymore, although he did managed to get over their deaths pretty quickly so maybe he has forgotten them but surely not.

All these depressing thoughts were putting a downer on my mood so i made my way back to my room. Once in my room i closed the door behind me, took off my shoes and laid on my bed, i laid there thinking back on the times with my parents and how happy we were, even Emmet seemed happier then, maybe he's just wearing a mask and covering how he's really feeling, but he's not that good of an actor. I must of fallen asleep because when i woke up it was dark in my room and i could hear more voices downstairs which probably meant that Esme and Carlisle where home.

I got up from my bed and wiped the sleep from my eyes. i put on my shoes and walked out of my room and down the stairs. I walked into the living room to stop dead in my tracks, everyone was sat on the sofas watching videos and looking at pictures of Carlisle's and Esme's holiday, it was times like these that made it seem that i wasn't a part of the family. I turned around to go back to my room but as i turned Esme stopped me.

"Bella come and look at these with us." She said gesturing to the spare seat beside her, now if i was in a good mood i probably would have but because the Emmet thing was still playing on my mind i just shook my head and turned to leave again.

"Come on Bella your a part of this family as well and i want to show you these pictures."Esme said looking hopeful that i would change my mind.

"leave her, she has been in a mood all day." Emmet stated

"Oh really, what has upset you Bella, would you like to talk about it?" Esme asked sincerely like she actually wanted to know all my problems and take them away.

"i think it has something to do with the conversation we had last night." Edward stated looking to me for any confirmation that would tell him he is correct.

"What was your conversation about Edward?" Carlisle asked quite interested in the turn of conversation.

"We were just talking about how proud i was that she wasn't using as much and that uncovered that she was disappointed with herself and that lead to our feelings for each other and then onto the drugs and Bella's addiction and how unhappy she is and maybe wants to quit." Edward said causing everyone to turn and look at me quite surprised.

"So she does have feelings, well at least that's something." Emmet said, but its true i haven't really been open with them apart from Edward, and i don't think they can read minds, and if the only behaviour they see is me arguing and fighting or high then they are going to think that i don't care.

"Did you come to a decision on whether or not your going to quit Bella?" Edward asked me. I guess this was a good opener for him to start the conversation again but did he really have to do it in front of the rest of the family.

"No Edward i haven't." I replied quite sharply.

"Why don't you come and sit down then Bella and we can discuss this further." Carlisle said without leaving room for argument.

I walked over to the sofa that Carlisle and Esme where sat on and Esme moved over to make space for me in between them.

"So how did the conversation end?" Carlisle asked jumping straight in.

"With me saying that ill be there every step of the way if she does decide to give up and saying goodnight." Edward replied.

"Ok, can you please stop talking like I'm not in the room." I said exasperated

"Bella, have you come to a decision about giving up?" Carlisle asked me i just shook my head. "What are your reasons for giving up?" he asked. i looked at him and wondered if i should tell him the truth and let them all in a bit so they could try to understand where i am coming from and my thoughts or if i should just make something up to avoid the whole conversation.

"Bella, tell us the truth, don't leave anything out." Esme said stroking my arm in a comforting way.

"Well, reasons for giving up would be." I stopped to think about it. "I know that the drugs are tearing the only family i have left apart, i know you are all disappointed in me, and i know that's my fault." Esme went to interrupt me but i held my hand up. "Please don't interrupt." She just nodded and gestured for me to continue. "i know that i am slowly damaging my life, and could end up killing myself, i don't like the feeling of not being in control, but most of all I'm disappointed and ashamed at myself for letting my life spiral out of control without even noticing." Esme wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her, making me a bit uncomfortable because the last person to hug me this way was my mum.

"Bella your not alone in this, you never have been." Esme said.

"So what are your reasons for carrying on then because i would say that the reasons for would be more that against surely." Carlisle said. i looked around at everyone and they all looked kind of hopeful it was probably because they all were thinking that i was going to give up, but I'm really not sure what I'm going to do.

"I'm scared of the unknown." I replied leaving at that.

"What unknown Bella, you would give us and yourself a reason to be proud because you would have overcome your addiction, your life would be back on track, i can't see any reason why you would want to carry on this way." Emmet said sounding a little angry that i couldn't see it from his point of view.

"It's not that simple. What if i fail, what if i give up and then i relapse because something happens, what if you all decide that I'm really not worth it in the end, what if you can't be bothered to put up with my moaning or my screams of pain, what if in the end it really isn't worth it because there isn't anything for anyone to gain, but most of all what happens if i do give up but nothing changes what if we are all still in the same place, because nothing is going to bring my parents back so then what do i do when memories, hurt and emotional pain become too much what do i do if i get addicted to something else, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to go throw all of this again. " i stopped and looked around at everyone, they all looked really shocked at what i had said, maybe they hadn't thought of all those things.

"Bella, we will be here every step of the way, we won't abandon you, not when you need us the most, we are your family." Alice said coming to kneel in front of me and grabbing my hands.

"Alice is right; we are all here as long as your fighting and living we are going to be here supporting you, every step of the way." Rosalie said coming to kneel beside Alice. Rosalie whipped the tears away that i hadn't even noticed where rolling down my face.

"We are all here for you Bella, and we always will be." Jasper said from the couch facing us. I looked up and found both Alice and Rosalie looking quite sad, i hugged them both and told them i was ok, they moved away and went to sit on the other sofa next to their other half's.

"Bella you know no matter what, that i will be here through the good times and the bad, when times get tough i will be right alongside you, helping you through, im never going to leave you." Edward said staring me straight in the eye letting me know he meant what he said and was promising me.

"You don't know that Edward, how do you know you aren't going to get bored of me. You'll probably think that I'm too much hassle and there are other girls who are less maintenance than me and they could probably return the feelings you have for them, but i will never be normal, ill always be damaged goods how can you sit there and say that you are going to be there all the time for me. I can't even expect you to do that any of you, you all have your own lives you don't need to be helping me get mine back on track i made this mess now I've got to live with it." I replied looking down at the floor.

"Bella how can you not see it, we all love you like family, well most of us do, I'm not actually sure what Edward's feelings towards you are." Alice said looking over at Edward.

"I'm falling in love with you Bella, you know that, but you also know that we can't be together until you are off the drugs because I'm not setting myself up for disappointment." Edward said, I'm not really sure what he meant about the disappointment part but it still hurt to hear him say it.

**thanks for reading **

**if you want me to update quicker you will have to review :P **

**please review and tell me what you think but dont be to harsh **


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys sorry its taking so long to get the next chapter out i just havent got alot of time at the moment but i am writting the next chapter and it is nearly finished so it shouldnt be to long before i put it on here but until then heres a taster of whats coming in the next chapter. **

I had been lying on my bed for a while, i knew this because my plan B CD had finished ages ago and i hadn't gotten up to put it back on again. I can't remember what i was thinking or even if i was thinking at all i was just looking up at the ceiling in thoughtlessness trying to ignore the pain that was taking over my body. it probably would have been a smart idea to have taken something before handing the entire supply of my drugs over to Carlisle who I'm sure has washed them down the drain by now, but i hadn't and now the withdraw symptoms were setting in and they were quite harsh. I tried to move my arm to brush a stray piece of hair out of my face but it even hurt to do that, all of my muscles were aching and every now and again they would spasm. I was starting to get a sick feeling in my stomach so i knew it wouldn't be long before i would have my head down the toilet. I guess i should feel lucky that the sweats hadn't started yet and that i wasn't having stomach cramps yet, but i know with time they will appear and I'll have to stay strong through it no matter how painful they get.

I closed my eyes trying to block out the pain, i just laid there not thinking and not moving, at some point i must have fallen asleep because when i opened my eyes the room was dark and the pain had got a considerable amount worse. It felt like had been in a fight with a wrestler and lost, then been run over by a bus and trampled on by a riot, it wasn't pleasant. My clothes were ringing with sweat and i had really bad stomach cramps, they were so much worse than period pains. I tried to curl myself into the foetus position but as i moved the most unbearable pain shot through my muscles that i screamed out, tears were streaming down my face, i can't take this, how can i survive this it's only been a few hours and it already feels like days. I wrapped my arms around my legs and moved onto my side gritting my teeth as i did to stop me from screaming. I heard footsteps running up the stairs, which meant that they had all herd me scream and where coming to see what was wrong. They didn't bother knocking they just came straight in with worried looks on their faces which got worse as they saw me because i was facing the door, and I'm guessing i wasn't much of a pretty sight.

**do you want smaller chapters so i can upload them quicker or carry on with the long chaptes? let me know. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hya guys heres the next chapter sorry it took so long :) **

"Bella, you are a part of this family and this family sticks together. I know we should have helped you sooner and realised how bad the situation had got sooner but that is our fault. But we know now and we want to help you get off the drugs and put your life back together, all of us will help you through, you won't be alone." Esme said taking hold of my hand in a comforting way.

"Come on Bella, give up the drugs but don't just do it for us, do it for yourself because you deserve to be happy, and you can't be happy when you're on the drugs, they might make it feel better but when they wear off you'll feel like shit again." Rosalie said exasperated she was probably sick of having the same conversation all the damn time because i knew i was, but then the simple answer to that would be to give up and then the conversations would stop.

"Bella you can gradually take yourself off the drugs and it will be easier for you." Carlisle said. i know he is right but if I'm going to do this I'm going cold turkey, because if i do it gradually ill end up taking less one day and then more the next.

"No, if I'm doing this I'm cutting it all out i can't do it gradually." I stated looking straight at Carlisle.

"Don't be stupid Bella, that's a stupid idea because that way you have a higher chance of re-lapsing.

I dint want to hear any more, and i needed time to think, so i got up from the sofa and made my way to my room with them calling after me. Once in my room i shut the door, turned on the stereo and listened to plan B. I laid down on my bed just listening to the lyrics of the songs, after a while my mind started re-playing the conversation from downstairs, it got me thinking, am i really strong enough to do it on my own, have i got the ill power to carry on even when the pain gets too much and i can't keep anything down, but if they really mean what they say and that they will stick with me through it every step of the way, then what is there to be afraid of. With that thought i got up off my bed and got my bag from the bag of the door. I walked over to my drawers and emptied the contents of my drugs draw into the bag, i then shut the draw and walked out of my room and down the stairs i walked back into the living room to see everyone still sat in the places they were in earlier watching TV. I put the bag down on the coffee table and stepped away from it.

"What's in the bag, Bella?" Carlisle asked. i just pointed to it in invitation for him to look. Carlisle took the bag from the table and looked inside. I knew he knew what it was the minute he looked because i saw his eyes widen. Carlisle looked at me with a shocked expression on his face.

"What's it the bag?" asked Emmet.

"Are you certain you want to do this Bella?" Carlisle asked me ignoring Emmet's question. I just nodded not wanting to speak out loud. "I'm proud of you Bella." Carlisle said with a gentle smile, trying not to patronize me.

"What's in the bag, Carlisle?" Esme asked reaching for the bag. Carlisle handed the bag to her; she looked in and gave me the same shocked expression that Carlisle had.

"In the bag is what i assume is the entire quantity of Bella's drug supply, am i right?" Carlisle asked looking at me, and again i nodded instead of vocalising the answer.

I heard Alice squeal and the next thing i know she has wrapped her arms around me from behind.

"Does this mean that you are giving up?" Alice asked rather loudly considering her head was right next to my ear. Again i nodded in fear of saying no and taking back the bag. Alice released me and sat back down next to Jasper.

"I'm proud of you Bella." Edward said hugging me from the front and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"We are all proud of you Bella, but i still don't think that it is a very good idea that you go cold turkey." Carlisle said sounding a bit concerned.

"I'm doing this my way Carlisle or not at all, i need all of your support or this isn't going to work and we will be back at this stage in a few weeks." I replied looking him straight in the eyes so he would know that I'm not joking, he just nodded his head. With that i walked out of the room and headed for my room, before i reached the stairs i heard Carlisle ask the guys to help him dispose of all of it.

I had been lying on my bed for a while, i knew this because my plan B CD had finished ages ago and i hadn't gotten up to put it back on again. I can't remember what i was thinking or even if i was thinking at all i was just looking up at the ceiling in thoughtlessness trying to ignore the pain that was taking over my body. it probably would have been a smart idea to have taken something before handing the entire supply of my drugs over to Carlisle who I'm sure has washed them down the drain by now, but i hadn't and now the withdraw symptoms were setting in and they were quite harsh. I tried to move my arm to brush a stray piece of hair out of my face but it even hurt to do that, all of my muscles were aching and every now and again they would spasm. I was starting to get a sick feeling in my stomach so i knew it wouldn't be long before i would have my head down the toilet. I guess i should feel lucky that the sweats hadn't started yet and that i wasn't having stomach cramps yet, but i know with time they will appear and I'll have to stay strong through it no matter how painful they get.

I closed my eyes trying to block out the pain, i just laid there not thinking and not moving, at some point i must have fallen asleep because when i opened my eyes the room was dark and the pain had got a considerable amount worse. It felt like had been in a fight with a wrestler and lost, then been run over by a bus and trampled on by a riot, it wasn't pleasant. My clothes were ringing with sweat and i had really bad stomach cramps, they were so much worse than period pains. I tried to curl myself into the foetus position but as i moved the most unbearable pain shot through my muscles that i screamed out, tears were streaming down my face, i can't take this, how can i survive this it's only been a few hours and it already feels like days. I wrapped my arms around my legs and moved onto my side gritting my teeth as i did to stop me from screaming. I heard footsteps running up the stairs, which meant that they had all herd me scream and where coming to see what was wrong. They didn't bother knocking they just came straight in with worried looks on their faces which got worse as they saw me because i was facing the door, and I'm guessing i wasn't much of a pretty sight.

"I'm guessing that withdrawal has started." Emmet said stating the obvious, but i couldn't talk back to him, I'm not even going to open my mouth because when i do i won't be able to hold in the screams, so i bit into my lip harder.

"Bella how are you?" Alice asked walking into the room further. I just whimpered a little and turned my head into the pillow.

"Stupid question Alice, how do you think she is feeling, look at her." Rosalie said gesturing at me.

Alice and Rosalie started bickering between them but about what i don't know, i was too focused on not screaming. I felt my bed dip and turned my head to see why. Esme had sat on the edge of my bed and put her hand out and stroked my head.

"It will get better sweetheart, i promise, but for now is there anything i can get you?" She asked as if i could reply to her, i just bit into my lip harder. The tears still flowing, i hated them to see me this weak but there isn't anything i can do about it. "Bella release your lip otherwise you will make it bleed." Esme said trying to pry my lip away from my teeth.

"Bella are you hungry, would you like anything to eat." Carlisle asked. At the mention of food my stomach lurched. I covered my moth with my hand and ram for the bathroom making it just in time to throw up bile because my stomach was empty. Someone stood behind me holding my hair and rubbing soothing circles into my back but it wasn't helping because now that i had moved all of my body was in agony it felt like i was being burned alive, my throat was on fire from throwing up, my stomach was still churning, it was all too much to handle and i screamed a blood curdling scream it hurt my own ears. I leant against the toilet and sobbed and with each sob more pain, it was a vicious circle.

"Shh Bella it's alright." I looked to my left where i knew he was and saw him sitting beside me. He pulled me into his lap and cradled my head against his shoulder, which i tried to protest against because i am all sweaty, but Edward wasn't listening. "I'm here Bella, you're not alone. You are so brave." He rubbed circles into my back whilst rocking me which was actually making me feel worse.

"Edward i don't think that is working because she is going a little green, why don't you carry her to her bed and let hey lay down for a while." Esme said in a calm but firm voice, she wasn't asking him she was telling him, but in a nice way.

Edward kissed my head and then apologised before standing up with me in his arms which caused me to whimper to which he apologised again. He carried me to my bed before laying me down and then lying next to me. I cuddled into his side taking hold of his shirt loosely making sure he stayed with me.

As if he read my mind he said "Don't worry love I'm not going anywhere." He then started humming a turn that was quite comforting and it lulled me back to sleep.

It seemed like only a few minutes had passed before i woke up hoping it had all been a bad dream but to my disappointment the excruciating pain was still there, but it seemed worse than it was before, how is it that it keeps getting worse, when will the pain fade.

"It won't be long love, just hold in there." Edward said, i hadn't realise that he was still here as i still had my eyes closed or that i said that out loud. It was then that i realised that i was still cuddled up into his side but that i had moved and felt more like trapped then cuddled, I tried to move to get into a more comfortable position but i ended up causing myself more pain, i squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth only letting out a small whimper. "I'm so proud of you Bella, you are doing so well." Edward said encouragingly.

"Edward shut up, it's only been a few hours and i already feel like I'm failing." I replied through clenched teeth whilst trying to keep my body still.

"You're not failing love, you are doing so well, i know it's not easy but you have already survived a day."

"I know your trying to be helpful but you're really not helping." I replied harshly whilst cuddling my stomach. Edward moved so that he was behind me and pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me tightly. we stayed in that position just laying together silently the only noises were me gasping and groaning with the pain and Edward occasionally shushing me and whispering words of comfort in my ear. I suppose I'm glad he is here because if he weren't there is no way i would be able to survive this on my own i would have probably caved by now or never quit in the first place.

We had been laying here for a while when i could smell of whatever Esme was cooking and it smelt great but it didn't really agree with my stomach as i started to feel sick.

"Bella are you ok?" Edward asked leaning over me to try and see my face. "You look a little green" he said with a smile on his face

"I'll survive." I said trying to smile back at him but i think it came out as more of a grimace.

**To be continued :) **

**please review and tell me what you think x **


	16. AN sorry :

**so sorry guys that i havent updated in a while ive tried many times to sit at my computer and write another chapter but i dont like what i write so i end up getting frustrated with it. im not saying im not going to finish this story because i will it may just take a while. i guess you could say i have writersw block :) i will try and update soon but no promises thankyou for being patient with me :)**


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